I am an adult Kenyan male of sound mind (though some haters don't always agree) and a species known to be world renowned meat eaters. I must admit that I am not a top expert in all things ‘nyama choma’ for I am not one to waltz into a butchery asking for a kilo of the stuff or any of its derivatives. – chemsha, fry, tumbukiza etc washed dwon with my favorite tipple. But what in all that is good about meat eating is ‘bomb’?
'Bomb' you might ask.......has this guy gone and lost his damn mind? Let me explain.
It started off quite innocently with a question about what type of ready meat I could have for lunch. “Tuko na shoma, shemsha, fry na bomb” he answered “na inakuja na mukimo, chavashi ama ugali ………na kachubari ni discount” he added helpfully seeing the consternation on my face.
Perhaps it’s important to start from the beginning. It was lunch time, late lunch time would be more appropriate as the time was closer to 2.00 pm, not so long ago in Nyeri and I was off to one of my favorite joints for lunch a hotel located in the lower part of town owned by a friend and an easy six minute walk from the office through downtown Nyeri. This place has good food and a varied menu that includes Indian themed dishes and pasta. The only challenge is that the majority of the meals are prepared in the ala carte fashion presumably because there aren’t too many people interested in spaghetti bolognaise and mutton curry and the meals therefore take a minimum of 20 minutes from order to service.
Hunger pangs were biting due to the lateness of the hour and utmost in my mind was whether I’d survive the 20 minute wait for my food having settled on pork chops with roast potatoes as my meal of choice that day. Just before I got to the hotel I saw a nyama choma joint that I had passed by many times before without a second glance. Nothing spectacular I might add as nyama choma joints go since they all inevitably seem to have the same dull ambience, for lack of a better word, and designed by the same failed architect back in the day. My problems of a long wait at my hotel restaurant would be solved if this place had ready meat, I thought, as I changed direction instantly.
By the way is there is design code for Kenyan nyama choma joints, or a DIY manual where you choose from the two design options available? This one fit the bill perfectly that even blind folded and without having ever gone there any serious nyama choma aficionado would find his way around quite easily! So taking my cue (even clueless as I am I knew the layout instantly) I asked the owner-cum-cashier (nobody told me but that’s the script right!) whether they had ready meat for lunch to which he responded as I have indicated above. Nonplussed I ordered the tried and tested, country wide favorite ‘choma na ugali ‘with ‘kachumbari ya pilipili’ as my lunch time dish with an assurance that was soon proven right that I would be eating in a jiffy!
To say that I was dumbstruck would be to state the obvious so………………I was dumbstruck! What in all that is good about meat eating is ‘bomb’ I wondered to myself too afraid to ask even as I partook of my meal delicious as it was, except that the size of the ugali was a joke that would be laughed at by any self-respecting native of Western Kenya and Nyanza as not even qualifying to be called a snack! Maybe they meant ‘da bomb’ as a metaphor for the choice of the cut of meat that this dish came from or does it explode in your mouth with special flavors and tastes thus earning itself this awe inspiring name?
You see I have been around the block and then some and this was in the middle of nyama choma country where you don’t ask foolish questions about meat lest you be laughed out of town. How could someone who has been around the block more than once not know what ‘bomb’ was, was the question that I grappled with for some time even as a mopped up the last pieces of nyama choma with my kachumbari the ugali having been devoured half way through the meal (remember the size). This was the kind of ugali you thumbed your nose at and said ‘ata haijaiva wizuri’ even as you licked you lips wanting more but too proud unlike Oliver Twist to ask for more.
Belching on account of the cold coke that had helped wash down the meal (why do the last few bits of nyama choma always feel so dry……..or is that just me?) I finally got the guts to pose the question to the owner-cum-cashier as he bustled about to tell me what bomb was. I am still not sure what ‘bomb’ is because his long winded explanations in Kikuyu were as difficult to understand as they were foreign to me. Let me attempt to explain.......
The gist of his discourse was that this is a dish made from the stomach of a goat which had been stuffed with the meat from the neck and other internal organs of the animal. That meat had to have been boiled for 3 hours prior to stuffing. No explanation was given for this specific length of time. After stuffing the neck meat and the internal organ meat into the stomach, the whole concoction is then boiled in water in a pot over a wood fired stove so that the meat softened further and the stomach which is the wrapping also became palatable – haggis is what the Scots have called a derivative of such a dish. The resultant ensemble together with the soupy remains is your 'bomb'. As I nodded sagely to express the fact that there was finally clarity (I lied……mightily!) the reality was that I was more lost than ever!
I am not sure I’ll have the stomach (pun intended) to partake of 'bomb' because clearly it is a dish lacking both in nutritional value and taste. How can a dish that has been through two stages of boiling for close to five hours have any nutritional value left, while in the first place the main receptacle (aka the stomach) keeping all these other meats together has no nutritional value from the word go?
While the culinary skills of the Kikuyu people have been the laughing stock among many communities in the country………… and beyond, let me just say that 'bomb' does not inspire any confidence that this culinary preparation shall win a prize at any cooking competition except among my kith and kin any time soon!
On the other hand this could be that special Kikuyu signature dish that presented with a better sounding name and posher ingredients may drag the culinary skills of my people out of the laughing stock of kitchens and into the five star hotels of the world.
But don’t hold your breath!!
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