RUSSIAN ROULETTE & THE GAMES KENYAN POLITICIANS PLAY:

If you thought that games were only for children, then think again because many of our politicians and quasi-politicians are very adept at games. Here is a sample of some that they play.

Russian Roulette is a very dangerous game. The game involves emptying a revolver of all it bullets and then inserting just one bullet in the chamber and then spinning the chamber so that when you are playing the game you have no idea where the bullet is in the chamber. After this one by one the players point the gun at their heads, cock it and pull the trigger. Suffice is to say that so long as you hear the click of the trigger on an empty chamber you are still in the game but the minute you hear a deafening roar (if you do), it is almost certainly the last thing you will hear as you dispatch yourself to your maker. It is such a dangerous game that it is only those with a death wish who play the game. Yet it is precisely this game that the members of the Kenyan Cabinet have been playing for many years. As scandal after scandal plagues this coalition government, sooner or later in this deadly Russian roulette that they have continued to play some one will be its next victim. It very early on claimed several victims like Christopher Murungaru, Kiraitu Murungi, David Mwiraria, Moses Wetangula, Mutula Kilonzo and It is also threatening to claim others as the countdown to the next election continues.

Another game is ‘mchongowano’. It has been a perennial political game for eons. It involves looking for a gathering of people (any gathering will do thank you) a church service, a nursery school graduation, the opening of a coffee factory, while protesting to the local OCS about a crime on your constituents - and then proceeding to tell them how your political enemies were born by the side of the road OR how some people are uncircumcised and therefore cannot lead the rest of us OR how some people should learn to appreciate gods gifts to us and should therefore eat anything and everything instead of complaining that the government is not able to feed them.

This game is almost similar to another called ‘hapo zamani za kale’ where all current evils are blamed on an ogre called KANU that ruled ‘hapo zamani za kale’ OR where all tribulation of professors (may god rest their souls in peace) are blamed on the people who killed Robert being the same ones who poisoned me ‘hapo zamani za kale’ etc, etc.

Other games are ‘it wasn’t me’ where when caught in a compromising position, sometimes with pants down (literally), one proceeds to deny vehemently even if the evidence is cast in stone and with a bouncing something or another to prove it.

The newest of the games is “me too”. This one is often played out about 12 months before an election date and involves addressing a crowd preferably in your native constituency, pouring scorn and vitriol on the current leadership and presidency and then declaring yourself as a potential presidential/parliamentary/governor/senator candidate able to change the lives of those (foolhardy!) enough to vote you in 

Another variation is to be anointed as a presidential hopeful by a tribal council while half dressed in some animal skins or robes or by a religious grouping among a crowd of people who have no idea who you are having similarly been anointed by other tribal councils  and religious groupings in the past so as to take care of their interests when elected.  At the rate that this game is being played out, to quote a popular Americanism “They all want to be chiefs so where are the Indians?”

Other games are played by quasi-politicos such as the Government Spokesman that very often involve taking careful aim with a loaded gun and then shooting at your foot. While the results may not always be tragic, they are often messy and painful and there is always a thorough clean up thereafter. This game is called for obvious reasons ‘shoot self in foot’.

Another favourite game is “foot in mouth” which is often played preferably by a quasi-politico masquerading as a trade unionist or by whole cabinet ministers. It involves, taking your own size 13 foot, boots and all, and then proceeding to very deliberately open your size 7 mouth and then stuff foot into mouth. The dexterity involved here is astonishing, but those who are able to accomplish this feat (pun intended) invariably have shortness of breath and are inexplicably and chronically sufferers as they continually repeat the game and to hell with the consequences!!

While games are supposed to be a source of enjoyment and fun, the games our politicians play ceased to be funny a long time ago. Some are downright dangerous while others only seem to show the depth of “anti-intelligence” that our politicians have.

No wonder we are the laughing stock of our East African neighbours who maintain that in Kenya we sleep politics, eat politics and breathe politics 24-7-365.

My kids can only play some of these games over my dead body as they insult the intelligence of the common mwananchi and the world at large.

Pseudonyms & the internet: A political perspective

The blogosphere is awash with comments, blogs and suggestions about the forthcoming General Elections here in Kenya in 2013 from a host of armchair politicos scattered across the diaspora as well as right here in Kenya. Many tend to use pseudonyms to cushion themselves from the wrath of those who may preach an alternative gospel to that in their political bibles as well as to have an anonymous identity that they can safely use to expound their views, bigotries and biases without revealing who you are or what tribe you represent.

This use of pseudonyms led to an interesting exchange sometime back when one Kevinah, who described herself as a 17 year old Kenyan in the diaspora born of a mixed marriage between a Kikuyu and a Luyia, was accused of being an uncircumcised Luo man!! Shock on me........when she described herself as mentioned above and then went on to heap decidedly uncomplimentary (and un-seventeen like) abuse on the hapless idiot (no apologies intended) who had commited the 'faux pas'.

This, unfortunately, is replicating itself more and more as people hide their true identities behind a plethora of pseudonyms yet sell their tribal identity by their comments and blogs. Whether Kevinah was or was not whomever they professed to be is debatable because the fact of the matter is you can be anonymous and whomever you want to be on the internet and get away with it because no one has the time or inclination to crash your legend party. In any case anonymity guarantees that people will speak their minds without worrying about the consequences of their actions...........unless Mzalendo Kibunjia and his team begin to take a keen interest in what you have written!

Which brings me, in a rather roundabout manner, to the point. Can someone please let a confused Kenyan male whose origins are in Central Province and who is married to a damsel whose origins are in Eastern Province and who have two gorgeous  daughters (of mixed tribal parentage) know the answer to the following questions?

Does it mean that comments favoring your preferred candidate automatically means that you are from that persons tribe? Does it mean that irrespective of your political preferences tribe is more important than political conviction? Does it also mean that since you are the son or daughter (by default) of one or another tribe in this great country you automatically subscribe to follow an unwritten pact with certain political/tribal personalities? If my wife bears my surname that has nothing to do with her tribe, what political personality is she identified with when she mentions her name?

It is at such times as this that I can safely say that I am ashamed to be a Kenyan. Ashamed because despite our ‘Kenyan-ness’, we tend to quickly gravitate towards one of our own tribe in matters political even if that person has myriad skeletons in their closet, has numerous court cases pending, has faced accusations of theft of public property etc. Ashamed because the name given to me by my parents and that I had no control over identifies me as belonging to a certain tribe and therefore everyone expects me to fall into a certain sorting box and subscribe to certain stereotypical behavior and schools of thought and blindly follow certain political personalities for the sole reason that they belong to my tribe.

If as a Kikuyu I say that I will vote for Uhuru, the Kikuyus shout alleluia, while the rest of the country shouts themselves hoarse saying that I am a tribalist! If as a Kikuyu I say that I will support Raila or Kalonzo, I am termed a sell out and a 'msaliti' of my people but embraced as a nationalist by everyone else. Kwani, must I vote for Uhuru merely because he and I share a tribe – Kikuyu?

Can people not put it through their thick tribally blinkered skulls and skins that in whoever might be my choice of candidate come 2013, I see a visionary who has the capacity to transform this country into something worth being proud of and that gives me hope for my children and grandchildren in the future?

If I choose to support Raila, Mudavadi, Ruto or any of the many alternative candidates that do not belong to my tribe because it is my right to do so, why should my  tribes people cry foul when I say so or ask me to justify my God given right? Ultimately, politics is about making independent individual choices and I take great umbrage with people who suggest that merely because I am from a certain tribe I am under some form of unsigned oath to support a candidate from my tribe.

So in public I will continue to make the right noises and support the 'correct' presidential candidate depending on the circumstances of where I am and who is doing the talking so as not to make enemies merely because of politics. But come D-day, my mind will be made up and the rest will be history and upto me and my God to know if we did the right thing or not within the confines of that polling booth.



How I wore a hard hat

After the hulabaloo by Nairobi traders last week I remembered how I finally got to wear a hard hat a few weeks ago. A hard hat is that one you see people wearing as a safety precaution whenever they visit a construction site. I have been to many construction sites but I don't seem to recall ever wearing one of those things that sits squats on your head as if not sure what to do next!!

This was at an apartment complex under construction somewhere in the vicinity of Lavington. Nothing special about this you may say given that there are tens of other projects under construction of a similar nature, but what if I was to spill the beans on who was behind this project one of many squeezed along a narrow road well worn and now potholed by the passage of countless trucks and other heavy construction equipment ferrying building materials to the numerous construction sites located along this area which not so long ago was zoned as a low density residential area.

While on the outside this looked liked any other construction project with the accompanying din, bedlam and noise this was a project that was for 108 apartment units on a 1.1 acre piece of land. OK, you are probably saying, where are we going with this? All is about to be revealed so have some patience.

The project as I was saying, before your thoughts rudely interrupted me, is for 108 apartments in 9 blocks of 12 apartments each with each apartment having direct access to a lift that serves each floor. In addition, all 1st floor apartments will have an unrestricted view to a raised platform that will include a children's play area-cum-sky garden so that you are able to monitor your young ones as they play and cavort amid the plants, flowers, trees and swings and other children's favorite playthings. Underneath this sky garden is where the vehicle car park will be located to ensure maximum use of the available space with each apartment allocated two parkings.

Are we together so far though I can see you shrugging your shoulders in exasperation and wondering when I will get on with it ?? Good....now where was I!! Oh yes, I was at the point where I was about to tell you who is behind this project but first, back to those traders in Nairobi last week who were protesting about the invasion of their rights to hawk all things made in China by the same manufacturers of the Chinese products the Chinese themselves!!

But what if the Chinese are mad with the inability of our business people to sell their products quickly enough since all they do is sit in their stalls, decide on a mark up of 100% and let the buyers come to them yet this means that the products get no buyers since they are now as expensive as their European counterparts!! The Chinese on the other hand have known for hundreds of years that a successful business is the one which relies on low margins but high volumes meaning you go out there looking for business by enticing customers to buy based on price alone and at the end of the day the many sales that you make translates into a healthy profit........................which works wonderfully in a country teaming with a billion people!

Now back to my story!! While the traders of Eastleigh and River Rori were noisily protesting about the Chinese hawking products and butting into their business, the apartments that I have mentioned are also being built by a Chinese company, whose contractor is a sister company also Chinese. Presumably the supply chain of consultants also are of Chinese origin for this project, that broke ground in November 2011 and whose first Phase is due for completion on time and on budget in December 2012. 40% have already been sold off plan.

Now I ask you. Who wants their hard earned 20% deposit locked up in a project whose original completion time was 12 months but has now stretched to 24 months with no end in sight when there is a Chinese developer who will deliver on time and on budget within the agreed period therefore assuring you of value for money? Who cares who the developer is so long as he is delivering a product that you have paid for in advance (20%) with the balance on completion and without fear of losing your money?

That is what the Chinese, love them or hate them do. They identify a niche that has led to a dissatisfied and dissapointed clientele and fill it faster then our local developers take to break ground then they move on to something else. Their business acumen long honed on a whetstone of opportunities that come from servicing a huge population, where margins are squeezed almost to the point of being non-existant but where volumes rule the day and you will see why those protesting traders were showing their total lack of understanding in the trading business.

At the end of the day, apartments or petticoats are just commodities that need to be traded at the best possible price, in the shortest possible time and with the quickest turnaround time so that capital is not locked up for long periods of time and the quicker the Eastleigh and River Rori traders realise this the sooner they will change tact and adopt a low margin high volume business model for their own good!!

Thinking Big

Yesterday was a very inspiring day for me as it was a day that I had meetings and discussions, planned or coincidental, with some three people and friends who are daring to think BIG.Two of the people are in business for themselves and are both in the service industry one each from either gender.

The guy, let's call him Jonathan, has been credited with a very unique business idea that a few years ago was thought of to be below the dignity of many aspiring entreprenuers. On one of his travels to China seven years ago, he saw the concept, had an "aha" moment when he realised how people were struggling to avail of this service in Kenya and then decided to go for it and today he is on the guest list of hundreds of social, commercial and sporting events across the country and region as one of their most important and necessary service providers.

From Jonathan's humble beginnings his business has ventured into other complementary and related business services in the process creating employment and service provision opportunities to many people and businesses that his companies deal with in Kenya. As a pioneer, many copy cats have also risen to the occasion agressively undercutting him on his pricing determined to get a piece of the action. 

To them his only message seems to be "come baby come" since he knows that his business model is sustainable, pays a fair wage, remits its taxes and contributes towards being a good corporate citizen of Kenya.

As for the lady, let's call her Sylvia, she has only recently started her own business less than a year old and a franchise of a internationally reknowned brand name represented in 62 cities across the world but with a miniscule presence in Kenya and indeed Africa. The services provided by her company are unheard of in this part of the world but are sure to be of great interest to those Kenyans that travel often and require a service that only a company with great international connections, an excellent business model and a committed team of staff willing to pander and pamper to your every whim at a price of course. She has put her corporate experiences into good use haveing worked in a number of blue chip companies as part of the senior management teams and making a difference in the organisations that she has served in.

Sylvia's plans for her business are exciting to say the least and include plans to have an end to end business model where her clients are treated to a "one stop shop" where all their needs are taken care of.

The third person is a personal friend and a source of great inspiration to an activity that I hold dear to my heart. He has had his personal challanges in the recent past that have forced him to change his life style but his positive spirit , zest for life and qualities of perfection puts him a cut above many others who seemingly have it all. Let's call him Zack.

Zack has aspirations of a grand nature in terms of his legacy to the world. He has been in touch with a team of world reknowned and international sports consultants because he believes that he can leave this world a better place than he found it. He would like to partner with them and come up with a concept that will rival the best in Africa including South Africa. Does he know what they will charge as professional fees or where the financing for this project will come from? He has no clue but believes that the place he has in mind has the space, the potential and the capacity to be what he envisages it to be as a centre for sporting excellence in this part of the world. I am convinced that his vision will crystalise into this concept.

All three, who for obvious reasons will remain anonymous for now, are relatively young and have dared to think big. To think out of the box and beyond the frontiers of rational though processes. To explore what is possible or impossible not thorough the decisions of a committee, but through the passion to discover and pioneer what no one else in this part of the world has thought to do.

The sheer audacity of their accomplishments, plans and decisions will surely catapult them into a super league of the centres of excellence in their chosen fields and their sheer strength of personality is sure to carry along any one lucky enough to see their visions and share in their euphoria and aspirations as the thread their way along the path least travelled to success and gratification.

If more of us were like my three friends imagine what kind of world we would be in and what kind of legacies we would leave for future generations to emulate.