Tough times go away, tough people remain!!

I received a call out of the blue recently. It was from a former school colleague (let's call him Tim) who I met while in Form 1 many years back. I had met him in the intervening 30 years at most twice in social functions. He had happened upon my business card that I had given to him at our last meeting and he wished to discuss personal business issues and accordingly set up an appointment for us to meet.

I had known that Tim had built up a substantial business empire that included real estate, trading and investment in a hotel and he was evidently doing well. As is won't to happen in such instances and after the usual pleasantaries were exchanged we tried to catch up with what had happened in the intervening time since I had last seen him and he told me a heart rending story with a lesson in it.

Ever since he could remember, Tim had suffered from sinus problems that meant frequent trips to the doctor during a particularly bad spell and exemption from certain activies in his formative years. He had learnt to live with the condition but over time and with the introduction of various remedies many touted as all natural mainly from the East, he was persuaded to test one of the products, a Chinese ointment to be applied twice a day all over the body, and see whether it would relieve the condition.

That was the start of his problems because within a period of four months, it would seem that his body developed a severe allergic reaction to the ointment and in Tim's words his skin started to peal of like that of a hot potato. Gradually the condition spread to other parts of his body including his mouth and alimentary canal causing him excrutiating pain and inability to ingest anything. The regimen of pain killers he was being given were inadequate to fight the pain without causing other side effects and so he was in a constant torturous and painful agony throughout the treatment over a two year period with admission on and off at a Nairobi Hospital.  

Worse still, the Kenyan dermatologist who was treating the condition had never encountered it before and had to keep consulting with expert doctors in another country where the condition is prevalent for solutions on how to manage it. To cut a long story short, he believes that it was his prayers and faith that kept him alive and also as I reminded him he had the resources needed to be attended by the best medical doctors available because had it been any ordinary person without the resources he would surely have gone to his maker!! This is because even his doctor often told him that he had done the best that he could and he should pray that he recovers.

Tim's story touched me in several ways.

Despite frequent expert advice to people not to experiment with unknown chemicals, be they all natural or otherwise, Kenyan's still flock to places and respond to advertisments offering remedies to insomnia, slimming, increase in size of breasts, hips, penises, skin allergies, skin lightening etc many of them from China. The advertisments purport to show before and after pictures of people who have undergone the full course of treatment (for lack of a better word) and glowing testimonials from satisfied customers and accreditations from one health body or another. These are mainly peddled by charlatans, quacks and conmen out to make a quick buck out of the desperation of the human being, unqualified even to dispense over-the-counter veterinary medicine to a cat.

Tim's was a story of an experiment gone horribly wrong and a valuable lesson to those who still believe in these often cheap remedies which could disfigure you for life or even kill you! His skin now looks like that of a person 20 years older though he turns 50 next year.

After his ordeal Tim told me that he takes a more reasoned approach to life because after all one could get killed just by stepping out of his house. He has also learnt to be more philosophical and laid back, appreciates his friends better and often surrounds himself with what he termed as people going through hard times because often all they may need is the company of someone successfull to reassure them that while "tough times go away, tough people remain to fight another day."

Tim showed me that despite all the personal problems we face there are others out there shouldering worse problems and stoically moving on oblivious to the issues and burdens that they carry. He still has to visit his dermatologist every two months as a follow up to see that the condition is not recurring and I can only hope and pray that he recovers fully even as he goes about his daily business of expanding his business empire.

My decisions.....my life!!

I am approaching the "half century" mark in a few years time. Long ago I had made up my mind that I would be free of a lot of things by the time my half century clock struck noon.

I had decided that I did not want to have to be educating children at the age of 50, that I had to have a modicum of respectability surrounding my persona, that I had also to have accumulated a few assets and that I also had to have invested in a pension plan to give me some solace in my old age so that I could play my golf to my hearts content while in retirement, and I had to have a written a will so that my few earthly possesions will be shared out as per my wishes and not as per the dictates of others and also stating how I wished my remains to be interred!!

I had also decided that I would like to live to a ripe old age of at least 100.............. and be a burden to my children (and grandchildren) since I had decided that I would take appropriate steps to shield my self from the life threatening conditions that seem to afflict men in their prime ages of between 35 to 50 and leave many of them on one form or another of medical treatment, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, dialysis etc for the rest of their lives.

I had also decided that I would wish away stress from my life since I have no control of anyone's comments, thoughts, idiosyncracies and biases about me and therefore should attach little if any attention to their words, thoughts or actions.

I had decided that my brand name was unique to me and that I would  uphold the very principles that were ingrained in me by my parents while still young of honest work for an honest wage, empathy to my friends, colleagues, acquaintances and strangers alike......of course within reason.

The jury is out but by my own measurement, I have accomplished many of my life goals. I have a successful professional career and I know that I have contributed greatly to the sucesses of the organisation and my colleagues where I work, my daughters are both in university with my first born about to finish her 4th year while her sister is just starting of her university life. I believe that I am a well respected member of society since I have many friends and acquaintances within my network and I am a member of two prestigious private members clubs one of which I sit on the Board of Directors. I have also taken up a healthy lifestyle and in the process lost 6 kilos in the past year and avoid or reduced on the 4 deadly stress CATS indicators - Caffeine, Alcohol, Tobacco & Sugar!! Taking up this blog writing has also been one of the contributors to alleviating stress.

I recently went for one of those tests prescribed for men over 40 years old, the PSA Test, that is supposed to detect early signs of prostrate cancer a silent killer of men today. The laboratory staff at the hospital where I went to have the test done could not believe it when I told them that it had not been recommended by any doctor but I had taken it upon my self to do the test. The results were negative and though the fee is quite steep, it was money well spent for the piece of mind it bought. The lab staff were all praises and suggested that this should be an annual routine.

As one morphs from one day to the next, the clock is ticking and inexorably age is gaining and one must take steps to chart their own destiny by taking up a sport, going for your own medical tests, eating right and avoiding stress.

The next chapter..........!

Yesterday was not just another ordinary day. Our baby girl was following in the footsteps of her elder sibling and joining university a culmination of her 17 and a half years 13 of which were spent in one form of basic education or secondary school or another. It was also parents orientation day and we had to attend it as new parents in the campus she was being admitted to because if we had attended orientation for her sister Sam we had to do it for Shan also!!

From her joining nursery school at the tender age of 4 to yesterday has been a journey fraught with worry, excitement, sleepless nights, anxiety, suspense and joy for us based on which point of her educational experiences we were at. She has gone on school trips, been in trouble with the school authorities, rebelled from parental control, sneaked out with her friends at night, extended her curfew, been sick in hospital, visited her relatives in other parts of the world, been conned off her phone and money and lost a grandfather. She had also recently worked in a therapy centre and attended a course in mobile phone application development after her 4th Form just to keep her busy.

She has lived a life and had experiences way beyond that experienced by many people twice her age and now it was time to move on into the great unknown of university life and the doors and opportunities it opens for one in the hereafter! It was time for us to let go and watch her soar as she makes the difficult transition to becoming an adult, unsupervised and alone in a hostile world where it is your own judgement and wits that help you along and where peer pressure is waiting in the wings to pounce on the weak in spirit and then take them down the beaten path to destructive tendencies.

Thankfully the campus she is joining is a private campus situated not too far from Nairobi and which has a strong discipline and high standards. Part of the discipline involves attendance in christian activities be it chapel, christian groups etc so as to lay a strong moral foundation for all the students. It is one of those campuses that prides itself on being a campus free from the physical vices that bedevil the youth of today, who free to roam unfettered in the blogosphere and internet discover and know things that those in the earlier generations learnt about a scant 5 to 10 years ago.

We as her parents have done all that we could for her and her sister and it is time for them to chart their own course and destiny going forward, free to decide and free to choose our hopes and prayers being that they should make the right choices. One thing that this adventure of bringing up children has taught us is that there is no manual that will enable you raise a child because all of them are different individuals with varying temparaments, dispositions, abilities, nuances, foibles, characters and associations.

We can only pray that God guides them on the path of the straight and narrow and gives them blinkers and ear muffs so that they avoid the wide and winding road well travelled that often leads to addictions, distractions and dangerous life styles.

The countdown to an 'empty nest' has began in earnest for me and my wife because as sure as the sun sets every day our girls are all grown up and looking to start their own lives in the not to distant future.

Being Kenyan – The Last Minute:

A few years ago I went to my local Nakumatt to do some shopping. Being a Sunday afternoon, I thought that I would pretty much have the whole supermarket to myself. Shock on me, the place was packed tighter than a busaa joint on a Saturday night!!

Then it hit me that this was the weekend before the official opening of schools for the 3^rd and final term of the year and that Kenyans in their usual herd instinct mentality had chosen to make a beeline to the supermarket for some last minute “back to school” shopping. I suppose that the same was happening at myriad supermarkets, bookshops and school uniform shops across the country on that Sunday afternoon. The lines were impossibly long and jammed with mums, dads, their children and shopping carts piled high with all manner of goods, many obviously school related shopping.

Smug in the knowledge that I had already done the “back to school” (or in my case “1^st time school shopping” since my youngest daughter had taken the decision that she wanted to go to a boarding school to finish up the 3 years and 3 months of her formal high school) a few days earlier, I could only look on amazed at the lengths Kenyan go to punish themselves waiting until the last minute to do what had been pre-ordained 4 weeks earlier when the schools closed at end of the 2^nd Term. It took at least 45 minutes for me to get to the check out counter something that had taken me 10 minutes a few days earlier.

This unique “Kenyaness” seems to afflict all of us with the same force and alacrity. Maybe it is the air that we breathe or the infectiousness of our seemingly poor sense of planning towards things that we can already see will be required at a certain time. It extends to our leisure time when we decide to go on holiday in December but wait until the last minute in November to start enquiries on what options are available only to find that all the choice locations were booked months ago then we start blaming the travel agency!

It has also permeated our payment of bills waiting until the absolute last minute then heading to meandering queues at the service outlet to make our payments. This apathy has also permeated our ability to judgmentally make a trip for a planned meeting bearing in mind the horrible traffic snarl ups we encounter, making us all mad and inconsiderate drivers as we rush to fill in every grid locked space on our roads thereby compounding an already difficult situation while we could have very well planned to leave an hour earlier and not at the last minute!!

We also all seem to have the collective apathy towards keeping ourselves fit and healthy, by avoiding anything involving physical exercise unless absolutely necessary and then finally collapsing in a heap of clogged arteries, diseased hearts and high cholesterol blood sugar levels forcing us to spend weeks and fortunes of cash getting treatment for something that we could have nipped in the bud at an early opportunity by a regular regimen of exercise. Again last minute issues become our undoing. Those lucky enough to work in a storied building would very well get the needed dose of exercise by using the stairs instead of the lifts and elevators for instance.

 Calling a crisis meeting at the last minute when a catastrophe was looming on the horizon for the last several months is surely one of the things that we would very easily avoid with proper planning, delegation and control, but look at our government, huddled in crisis meeting after crisis meeting often back to back……no wonder we tend to collectively be the same!!

 As part of the culture change of the country, perhaps we could start by eschewing everything last minute and embrace instead a culture of just in time since just in time involves doing what needs to be done at the time that it will cause minimum grief and inconvenience to yourself and others as opposed to last minute which causes maximum grief and inconvenience to yourself and others.

Kenyans leading from the front to rid Africa of the culture of perpetual lateness well known by the rest of the world should be our ‘raison de etre’  though I am not betting any money that this will start anytime soon.

Anyone game for this?

Questions that Kenyan men wish they had asked their wives before marriage:

I listen to a certain radio show in the morning on my way to work where callers talk to the radio presenter and give them their problems after which people call in with their comments and observations.

Based on the issues discussed on that show, here are some questions that men possibly wished they had asked their wives (in no particular order) before getting married.

Yes or No answers preferred unless otherwise asked to elaborate or provide details:

·        Do you snore?

·        Are you a good cook?

·        Do you have a beard or a hairy chest? If yes, how often do you shave?

·        Do you constantly want to be taken out for movies, holidays, outings etc? If yes please state how often.

·        Do you suffer from violent fits of jealousy?

·        Have you attended any martial arts classes or military or police training? If yes please give details including weapons training.

·        What nasty habits do you have? Be specific. Options include gossiping, rumor mongering, binge eating or drinking, farting, burping in public, prone to strip when drunk, always late for appointments, likes to dress up even for a trip to the nearby Kenchic, am a shopaholic, put on weight easily etc.

·        How many relatives do you have? Will they be constantly asking me for money and other favors?

·        Is your father wealthy? If yes please specify nature of assets owned, bank balance details etc.

·        Other than your mother, did your father have any co-wives? If yes, how many?

·        Do you have any rich relatives? If yes please name them and their approximate net worth.

·        How many boyfriends did you have before me? If yes please provide their names and length of relationships.

·        Do you have any children from previous relationships? If yes please name them and their ages.

·        Do you have any skeletons in your closet? Be specific. Options include being gay, having slept with your father, having slept with your uncles or their sons, having a drug addiction problem, having undergone tubal ligation, under went treatment for a mental problem, have lost six jobs in the past 2 years, was in jail for a vicious and fatal assault on a cheating boyfriend etc

·        If I lose my job or my source of livelihood, will you still love me?

·        Based on the above question, will you still respect me and not go around sleeping with other men?

·        Or women?

·        What assets do you own? If yes, please list them and their approximate value. If no please sign the attached prenuptial agreement.

·        Will you promise never to nag me, when I come late at night after a hard day at the office smelling of alcohol? If no, on the attached prenuptial agreement please refer to clause 2 - Alcohol sub clause (g) i).

While these questions are not exhaustive, they would at least give a guy a fighting chance on being confronted with issues on a radio talk show 5 years into the marriage because he did not do his homework early enough.

Below are some optional questions for the weak man who knows he will be seriously henpecked even before the ink has dried on the marriage certificate.

Optional questions:

·        Since you are bigger and obviously stronger than me, do you promise only to batter me in private and on other parts of the body other than the head and face?

·        Since you are obviously in charge do you promise to pretend that I am in charge when we have friends or family visiting us?

·        Do you promise to at least discuss purchase of those garish red and purple curtains before you actually go out and do so?

·        Do you agree to give me at least a weeks notice before taking me on a trip to your mother’s house?

·        Do you agree to give me at least a months notice before dragging me to a wedding of that friend of yours you last met 15 years ago when you were in primary school?

The true Kenyan Leaders........YOU!

I am sick and tired of our politicians, our So Called Leaders (SCL’s) masquerading as the champions of the people for their own selfish motives and to settle personal scores. I am tired of people who believe that they are the “do all and the know all” of Kenyans needs and wants our SCL’s. I am tired of school yard bullies pretending to be SCL’s and demanding that I address them as “Honorable” or “Mheshimiwa” a term reserved for people who have earned my respect and who should be role models that you would want you children to emulate yet collectively the current lot are possibly the worst and sorriest excuse for SCL’s that this country has ever seen! I am tired of our SCL’s asking rude questions such as “do you know me” and taking umbrage when you tell them that you wouldn’t care less and don’t wish to in any case and who talk at you and not with you!

I am tired of SCL’s who have poor educational backgrounds, questionable (and possibly criminal) backgrounds, corruption allegations against them and who steal and impoverish the very people that they claim to represent and who only go back to the electorate and play the tribal card come election time and are thick headed enough to wear a cloak of spirituality and attend church with you and me every Sunday.

I am tired of our SCL’s who vote themselves all kinds of tax free salaries and allowances, amenities, security, vehicles, foreign trips and so on paid for by the ordinary Kenyan taxpayer yet have the temerity to ask the government to assist the people when one calamity or another befalls the ordinary mwananchi. I am also exhausted by too many stories in our mainstream press as well as the fringe press about the excesses of our SCL’s and the “holier than thou” attitude portrayed by the journalists who while claiming to report objectively are a part of the propagation system of obtaining news worthy stories and highlighting all the negative issues of the day. 

I am tired of very many things in the political system in my country Kenya but I am also tired of the apathy and complacency portrayed by the Kenyan populace. People JUST LIKE ME AND YOU whether black skinned, white skinned, red skinned or anything in between who have struggled to make a meaningful life for themselves, have demonstrated leadership qualities in their employment or private business, are outstanding role models to their children, peers and society at large and are trusted by his employers, families and colleagues anywhere in this country. People who open their doors to the poor, the sick and the downtrodden of society.

These are KENYANS and leaders in their own right - tried, tested and proven - who would make a difference to the destiny of this nation by opting to go for elective political office. People able to articulate their views not through tribal blinkers but through a nationalistic and rational approach. A person who has no qualms that despite having his ancestral routes in Karachuonyo has no problem selling his views in Garsen, Ekalakala or Modogashe. A person unfettered by tribal inclinations, having no hint of scandal or criminal culpability behind them or numerous skeletons in their closet. A person who loves another for who they are and not because of their ancestral roots, their racial backgrounds or the color of their skin. A person who exercises his rights to vote religiously, not because his tribesman is being voted for but because without his vote some sorry excuse of an individual would be voted into Parliament.

We as Kenyan people have only ourselves to blame for the leaders that we have given birth to today through our votes, yet we have people of the caliber I talk about right in our midst. We have Luhya DO’s and DC’s that people listen to and respect as leaders in Taita Taveta, Kikuyu businessmen who employ many and are recognized as respected leaders in Kapenguria, Luo headmasters in rural Transmara who are consulted by the local Maasai population on all manner of issues from the personal to the mundane, Asian businessmen in Meru running industries where they have invested millions for the good of the local community and who are known and respected by them, Mijikenda Bank Managers in Uasin Gishu who are consulted far and wide and recognized and respected by even the local administration, European Kenyans leasing conservancy areas in Amboseli & Masai Mara and employing advanced conservation practices and building schools and dispensaries that benefit the local Maasai, a Kisii pastor with a huge following in far flung Migori – the list is endless and the same is happening day in day out with Kenyans in the diaspora all over the world in academics, business, spiritual nourishment, industry, politics etc.

These are the TRUE LEADERS. In each of the above cases why do these true leaders with a track record where they are excelling choose to go back to stand for elective positions where their ancestral and tribal roots are (save for the Asians and Europeans)? Because Kenyans believe only their tribe can see that they can be political leaders and because politicians know this they drum up tribal sentiments when they see a Kuria wishing to take up the mantle of political leadership in Marsabit, an Asian wishing to get elected in Gucha, a Kalenjin wanting to represent the people of Bungoma etc and ask the locals to reject them as they are “outsiders”.

Shame on you Kenyan true leaders for allowing yourself to be disenfranchised from your developmental record because of your ancestry and shame on you political bullies for relying on tribalism to propagate yourself at the expense of development of your communities by the true leaders and exiling the true leaders to their communities!! You true leaders have proven yourself time and time again where you live, work and invest. You have invested time, sweat, and financial resources building yourself, your employees and your adopted communities. You have become known as a pillar of logic and reason where you are based yet choose to go down the beaten tribal path for political expediency. This is a bitter pill that we all must swallow - both the true leaders and the political bullies - collectively.

It is time to reject such divisive bullies who appeal to tribe and accept the true leaders for what they are. How many times have you true leaders looked at the political bullies as they posture, swagger and foam at the mouth and thought “Hmmm…………………I think I could do it better”. Many of you I am sure……….me included!  It is also time for the minority groups who think that their voices will not make a difference to the outcome of an election to get off their pampered butts and participate as true leaders and vote at all elections and add their voices to the din of the political environment surrounding them. My fellow Asian and European Kenyans, this means you……………with all due respect to the few who do participate!!

Employers must of necessity allow those of their staff with true leadership potential time off to make a mark wherever they are by not forcing them to resign if they opt to aspire for positions of political leadership because if their employees do become political leaders, then the economy and their businesses will also thrive.

Lets us learn that where we come from does not matter. It is where we are going to that matters. Leadership is earned not forced on the altar of tribalism! True leadership is to be found among the people already making a difference wherever they may have chosen to settle, do business and raise their families and they must accept that their record already speaks for them.

So come the next election and you see a strange lion amongst leopards in your neighborhood asking that you vote for him because of his agenda for you…........that is me, a true leader who has coexisted with you, has been honest with you, helped you when I could, who has mourned with you when you lose your loved ones and celebrated with you when your children are getting married.!!!

Death by mosquito

It is possible to die because of a mosquito? Apart from the well known malaria one gets from the infected female anoples, anopheses anopheles mosquito, is it really possible? I am convinced that it would be possible to torture a human being to death simply by exposing him to a swarm of hungry mosquitos day in day out, not to sting him to death but to drive him slowly insane to the point of suicide..............by the incessant buzzing they make just as you are about to fall asleep. Let me tell you my story!!

 Last night was one of those agonising evenings that starts off badly and then cruelly snowballs into a worse night.  I left the office by 5.10 pm alive to the fact that it had started raining so this meant that by all means I had to avoid Westlands and whatever mischief it had in store due to the rains to get home sane and in one piece. I therefore chose to take the long scenic route home via Waiyaki Way, Kangemi, Loresho, Lower Kabete Road, Ngecha Road then on to Runda, Kiambu Road and home-sweet-home. As I approached Ridgeways Mall I decided to drop in at the Nakumatt and buy a few items that were needed, including my supper, and then proceed home a stop over of at most 10 minutes.

Shock on me because after my brief shopping expedition, I realised that there was a tailback into the mall because of a fender bender involving three vehicles at the entrance to the Mall on Kiambu Road. Needless to say it took an agonising 30 minutes for me to exit the Mall and get home where I learnt that there had been a power blackout since 4.00 pm much to my chagrin.

Groceries unpacked, dinner hurriedly cooked by my darling wife and then after reading by torchlight for some 30 minutes, intermittently and fruitlessly trying to contact KPLC to report the blackout,  I decided that it was time to get between the sheets and go to bed.....time check 8.30 pm!! I swear that I had hardly slept 30 minutes when a familiar buzzing sound arose me from a deep slumber.

Now there is nothing quite so irritating as a mosquito dive bombing and buzzing your ear at midnight. It is like the loudest sound in hell, because my vision of hell is millions of mosquitos whose buzz is amplified to drown out the crackling of the devil's fires, perpetually dive bombing your ear as you lie in bed at night (unless it is perpetual night in hell in which case it is 1000 times worse) and without a stitch of clothing, bedding or mosquito net to hide behind to shield yourself from these kamikaze mosquitos. The sound is so irritating that try as you might you cannot fall asleep and even hidden under the beddings you still hear that incessant whine above the din of the night.

So there I was, lights still off, torch in hand off to look for the dregs of the long forgotten mosquito repellent somewhere in the depths of the kitchen store hoping against hope that the house help had not thrown it away. Having retrieved the can, shaken it to confirm that there was still some life threatening residue within, I triumphantly strode back to the bedroom and then gleefully commenced to spray paint the room with the deadly repellent in a bid to eliminate the offending pests and consign them to their own hell where arrows of 'doom' follow their every foray. Satisfied with a job well done I crept back into bed as the incessant screams, yelps and gasps of breath from dying mosquitos filled the room.......and drifted off into a blissfull sleep with the only noise being that of the beating rain, the rustling trees and the occasional ambient traffic noises off in the distance......sheer heaven!!

Now, suppose that I had been unable to get that spray can of repellent, or it had been consigned to the rubbish dump by the maid unaware that there was something still inside, would I have had a good night's sleep, would I have been refreshed in the morning raring to go, or would I have been a nervous wreck, bleary eyed from lack of sleep and prone to cause an accident on my way to work. Your guess is as good as mine but I hope my point is made that even without its deadly malaria a mosquito can cause death in other ways.