The carcass count was high:

The carcass count was extremely high on my drive up one Monday morning. I counted at least 8 mangled and mashed remains of some unidentifiable animals on the 141 kilometer drive to Nyeri from my home in Nairobi. Usually it is only one or two unfortunate animals that have been dispatched to their maker on the same drive most days the question of whether animals go to heaven or hell notwithstanding!!

So could there be a logical explanation to this phenomenon? I have my theories.

Perhaps these unfortunate animals are in some form of torpor and in their frenzied state of mind find they are unable to resist the urge to jump into the path of a fast moving vehicle to a sure suicide. Many must be aware of the lemming effect where Lemmings, an arctic rodent, have become the subject of a widely popular misconception that they commit mass suicide when they migrate which is apparently not true. Or maybe our own animals here in Kenya just have the urge to see how adept they might be at dodging a speeding vehicle as they scamper across the road……a death wish so to speak. I wonder also how many more escaped unscathed or with some injuries in their macabre dance with death!

Now for those who are non-golfers stop reading right here since the rest of this post will make no sense to you because you have to experience golf to understand it fully!!

This insane lemming like behavior reminds me of that of a golfer because golf is one of those sports that is constantly looking to humiliate you, single handicap or being a professional golfer notwithstanding. From the time you pick up the sport and get started, it’s like you have been injected with a hormone or a drug that causes you to go into a state of torpor and lose all your sensibilities and makes you keep on coming back for more mistreatment, humiliation and punishment for I am yet to meet a golfer who at one time or another did not contemplate throwing their golf clubs into the nearest lake or water body after a particularly torrid round of golf!

The relationship of many amateur golfers to the sport is in a constant state of flux of love and hate because one day you can pull of a wonderful, flawless round of golf and make some good money from your betting friends in addition to being called up to the podium to receive your prize while congratulations and accolades come in from all those admiring your prowess. The very next day (and for two weeks to come) you are in golfing hell, struggling to stay out of the forest, the bunkers and the rough and hacking, shanking, topping and generally having a miserable time on the course. Your efforts after such a showing will be rewarded with a well boiled goat head or some other equally inane prize in front of all the guests & members as well as being forced to dig deep into your pocket to pay out on your bets with additional humiliation particularly today of your vain efforts being posted as a social media video a permanent record of your tribulations as you tried to get out of a bunker!

Golfers are therefore like the carcasses that I came across recently on the highway but this time victims of the golf course whose sole purpose it would seem is to place a fairway bunker at the nearest reaches of your driver, place the flag at the position most likely to attract your ball into the accompanying greenside bunker, create water hazards and out of bounds that magically attract golf balls, roughs that miraculously swallow golf balls, and other obstacles designed to frustrate the average amateur golfer into almost committing suicide as they attempt to navigate the gamut of any golf course around the world traversing whizzing golf balls, wayward hitters, difficult and wordy rules, bunkers, water hazards, the rough, out of bounds and etiquette rules that defines how one dresses, behaves, stands, marks their ball and generally ruining your well-ordered life as you struggle to make head or tail of it all.

Despite all the challenges, and like the proverbial suicidal lemming, you are bound to see the same golfer next week coming back for more punishment and humiliation, throwing themselves at the mercy of the golf course waiting to dodge another speeding vehicle in the name of the game of golf and hoping to come out unscathed on the other side for however badly you play you always want to come back to prove to yourself and the world that your golf isn’t really so bad or if you had an excellent round that it was not just a flash in the pan and you need to prove to yourself that you can repeat your excellent performance.

No golfer after all ever leaves home with the intention of playing a bad round of golf, but the reality is that the golf highway is plagued with numerous obstacles and speeding vehicles enough to make you throw a tantrum and forever heaping the blame on someone else…..anyone from your caddy, your fellow players, your boss, your spouse,your choice of club, your friends and your heavy head after a wild party the previous day…….anyone but your bad golf skills!!

But that is the essence of the game of golf and why golfers keep coming back for more as we are all gluttons for punishment like those trouble makers in school back in the day who, try as they may, always found themselves on the receiving end of a punishment. If this isn’t madness doing the same thing and hoping for a different result then I don’t know what is and all golfers should get their head examined every so often for their own sanity sake!

So remember to keep them straight and on the fairway lest you become part of the carcass count that I passed by enroute to Nyeri not too long ago…....……and for those non-golfers who have continued to read this post until the end, take on the fairways to understand what this post is all about!!

Adios!!