Questions that Kenyan men wish they had asked their wives before marriage:

I listen to a certain radio show in the morning on my way to work where callers talk to the radio presenter and give them their problems after which people call in with their comments and observations.

Based on the issues discussed on that show, here are some questions that men possibly wished they had asked their wives (in no particular order) before getting married.

Yes or No answers preferred unless otherwise asked to elaborate or provide details:

·        Do you snore?

·        Are you a good cook?

·        Do you have a beard or a hairy chest? If yes, how often do you shave?

·        Do you constantly want to be taken out for movies, holidays, outings etc? If yes please state how often.

·        Do you suffer from violent fits of jealousy?

·        Have you attended any martial arts classes or military or police training? If yes please give details including weapons training.

·        What nasty habits do you have? Be specific. Options include gossiping, rumor mongering, binge eating or drinking, farting, burping in public, prone to strip when drunk, always late for appointments, likes to dress up even for a trip to the nearby Kenchic, am a shopaholic, put on weight easily etc.

·        How many relatives do you have? Will they be constantly asking me for money and other favors?

·        Is your father wealthy? If yes please specify nature of assets owned, bank balance details etc.

·        Other than your mother, did your father have any co-wives? If yes, how many?

·        Do you have any rich relatives? If yes please name them and their approximate net worth.

·        How many boyfriends did you have before me? If yes please provide their names and length of relationships.

·        Do you have any children from previous relationships? If yes please name them and their ages.

·        Do you have any skeletons in your closet? Be specific. Options include being gay, having slept with your father, having slept with your uncles or their sons, having a drug addiction problem, having undergone tubal ligation, under went treatment for a mental problem, have lost six jobs in the past 2 years, was in jail for a vicious and fatal assault on a cheating boyfriend etc

·        If I lose my job or my source of livelihood, will you still love me?

·        Based on the above question, will you still respect me and not go around sleeping with other men?

·        Or women?

·        What assets do you own? If yes, please list them and their approximate value. If no please sign the attached prenuptial agreement.

·        Will you promise never to nag me, when I come late at night after a hard day at the office smelling of alcohol? If no, on the attached prenuptial agreement please refer to clause 2 - Alcohol sub clause (g) i).

While these questions are not exhaustive, they would at least give a guy a fighting chance on being confronted with issues on a radio talk show 5 years into the marriage because he did not do his homework early enough.

Below are some optional questions for the weak man who knows he will be seriously henpecked even before the ink has dried on the marriage certificate.

Optional questions:

·        Since you are bigger and obviously stronger than me, do you promise only to batter me in private and on other parts of the body other than the head and face?

·        Since you are obviously in charge do you promise to pretend that I am in charge when we have friends or family visiting us?

·        Do you promise to at least discuss purchase of those garish red and purple curtains before you actually go out and do so?

·        Do you agree to give me at least a weeks notice before taking me on a trip to your mother’s house?

·        Do you agree to give me at least a months notice before dragging me to a wedding of that friend of yours you last met 15 years ago when you were in primary school?