And you wonder why they speak funny English....!!

My car came from service one day and lying on one of the floor mats, no doubt left over by one of the mechanics, was an empty package case of an “Omnipotence Travel Charger” brand name “Liondo” and made by Shenzen Liondo Telecom Company Ltd of…………no prizes for guessing…….. China!! On the cover was a representation of what the charger probably looked like. It appeared to be a fancy gizmo with some red and green LED’s and something akin to crocodile clips and what appeared to be some kind of measuring dial.

More out of a morbid curiosity as to what Omnipotence (Merriam Webster dictionary meaning ‘having virtually unlimited authority or influence <an omnipotent ruler>’) and Mobile Charger would be doing in the same sentence rather than any other reason I picked it up and that is when I realized the lengths that people go to in order to get a message across in a language that they don’t understand, in this case English, and with direct translation from whatever language the speak in that part of the world called Shenzen, probably Chinese Mandarin or Cantonese.

In the “operation step”, probable ‘Chinglish’ for “instructions for use” was the following:

1. play the slice the charger first to aim at the plus or minus pole of battery. good battery of cover.
2. press the “test” the key,” confirm” the bright elucidation of light is normal to refresh. If the “confirm” the light is not bright, press the” the conversion “the key convert the power supply’s pole, then normal refresh.
3. normal refresh, refresh the light flicker, Battery saturation hour, the saturated light is all and bright, and refresh the light to put out. Refresh time general for 4 hours, add result of an 1-2 more good.
4. this charger can circumscribe link the line, direct opponent machine to refresh. Can refresh the pond with the charger cellular phone at the same time.

Hand over heart the above is a verbatim reproduction including full stops, commas, italics etc.

Stay with me for a moment and remember that I did not have the benefit of having seen or even fiddled with the charger itself and therefore had no idea what they were talking about.

My wife has been to China and had told me that communication was a real problem in that country because though they have over a fifth of the population speaking and understanding English (approximately 200 million or just about 3 times the population of the United Kingdom) they are few and far between.

My first thought was, “how do they expect anyone to understand how to operate the $%*#ing gizmo!” then it occurred to me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the instructions because someone had bravely (and probably been paid a handsome amount for his troubles) translated into what were in his opinion perfect English sentences, that had also passed the muster of this superiors and had received the necessary sign off from the quality control chaps. A panel of Chinglish experts had probably sat down over endless cups of coffee (or whatever they drink in China for inspiration) to also come up with the name for the product and had concluded the discussions with someone earning a large bonus for his creative ability to come up with the name “Omnipotence”. 

The point that I am trying to make is that an “Omnipotence travel charger” (OTC) syndrome is evident in all of us in one form or another and for the simple reason that we are not native English speakers but have only picked it up through the formal education systems that we went through.

So remember that since English is not your native tongue you are bound to get stuck every now and then so don't pretend that you can speak it like an Englishman.........unless of course you are one!!!