I usually set off from Nairobi for Nyeri before the light of day has manifested itself even an iota when only mad dogs, thugs and the matatu crew…….and off course yours truly and a few other hardy souls are the only ones astir. But I have noticed that while I am going against the flow of traffic i.e Thika bound the Nairobi bound side of the super highway has heavy traffic flow, a moving wall of headlights upon headlights not standing still caught up in a traffic jam but in an unbroken line of traffic. Could it be that these are the clever ones out to beat the Nairobi traffic or is it the opposite?
I truly do not miss Nairobi’s madhouse and world class traffic jam one bit something that I will continue rubbing into the raw wounds of my Nairobi brethren until the cows come home to roost! Or have I just mixed up my metaphors? It takes me 2 hours to drive the 160 kilometers to Nyeri on a Monday morning and it would probably take longer for someone from Ongata Rongai or Kitengela to get to Nairobi on a Monday morning a mere 24 kilometers or so away.
Coupled with the scenic drive, the quiet of the car and my own thoughts, it seems more like an hour’s drive. I can’t however help noticing the number of school children walking to school along the road in groups or in singles many of them thumbing rides from passing motorists between Makutano and Sagana town. Are they all really school children or could they be thugs dressed up in school uniform looking to ambush the unwary Samaritan who may stop to give one a ride to their school and find out that they intended to get a ride to somewhere else when a gun is pulled on them? Some of them certainly look older than someone of school going age but I digress! But why only in this section of the Nairobi to Nyeri highway (or what would it be called?) are there so many school children at that time of the morning seeing that it is just getting to 7.00 am? Don’t other children from other areas not go to school as well or is it that my journey coincides with when the kids on this stretch of the road are all enroute to school?
That aside, why do people stop to pick up school kids and give them a lift whether in school uniform or not? Do you know just how much trouble you could find yourself in if the last vehicle that that child was seen boarding was yours and then something happened to that child either on the way or after you dropped them off at their destination? This may seem callous and self-centered but you better give an adult a lift and leave the child to walk to wherever they are going. That is my unsolicited advice because you will have no defense if anything happened to that child because good faith or not that is a minor and you are going to be held solely responsible if anything were to happen to them while in your custody.
Now where was I? Oh yes, sometimes the great mountain is not shy and as the sun rises she peaks out in all her glory her misty outline silhouetted against the rays of the rising sun and visible from miles away gradually taking a more distinct shape the closer you get to her and that is a definite bonus to us early risers as we are shepherded into Nyeri two hours later by her majestic snowcapped peaks.
In case you were wondering why I don’t leave for Nyeri the previous evening, wonder no more for that is the reason I prefer travelling in the early morning just to catch a possible glimpse of Mt. Kenya’s peaks as I make my way to work.
Monday, 24 February 2014
Friday, 21 February 2014
Sawdust scatter and other musings of an immigrant:
In Nyeri it rained on Monday and on Tuesday and drizzled a little on Wednesday. The thick cloying dust has now settled but with the rains comes the mud, the puddles (thanks to the woebegone state of the roads in the interior of the town) and the cold. Everywhere you turn it is muddy swathes of tarmac where people have tried to scrape of their muddy shoes only resulting in no discernible differences between the road and the unpaved road shoulder. This is what must be happening in hundreds of towns across Kenya unfortunate enough to boast slivers of tarmac lined with muddy unpaved footpaths!
Call me daft if you want that it has taken me this long to find this out and I will just say Duuuhh! After all I was born and brought up in the city and it is only now that I have taken the plunge to reside in small town Kenya that I am realizing that the dirty sawdust on the floor on visits to my grandfather’s restaurant actually had a practical purpose!
Since the onset of the rains (weatherman says it a passing cloud though) everyone who walks into the bank treks in with some mud on their shoes and then proceeds to deposit half of it in the bank probably enough at the end of the day for a kitchen garden, quality herbs and all, try as they might to scrape it off before they enter the door. This goes for staff as well and so the poor cleaning lady is constantly mopping up muddy shoe prints or sweeping dried muddy detritus off the floor.
Many establishments, restaurants, butcheries, supermarkets, MPesa shops, barber shops etc have chosen to have a heap of saw dust at the entrance to their shops sometimes even scattered on the floor itself. While I have seen this many times over the years, I have never really stopped to think why. That stuff is actually very healthy. Through many rainy seasons and years of muddy shoes, not many people stop to even scrape of some of the excess mud off their shoes as they enter into an establishment. They just saunter in oblivious to the muck and the mud they shall drag into your shop!
Sawdust sprinkled on the floor or at the entrance to a shop is an absorbent that removes dirt and dust from the floor while also absorbing any liquids that may have spilt as well common with mushy mud tracked in on your shoes. To me it also seems to keep the dust levels in the establishment down after mixing in with the sawdust because you can imagine what effect dried mud would have on the dust levels in a shop or restaurant. After the day is done, then you just sweep it up together with all the other detritus throw it out and lay on another layer tomorrow. Perhaps well-constructed pavements and better repaired roads would remove the need for this sawdust scatter something you never see in Nairobi but perhaps happens in the outlying suburbs.
How healthy the practice is I shall not even dare to conjecture because it serves a practical useful purpose in addition to ensuring that not an iota of a precious tree goes to waste.
So for those city slickers like me that never knew why you found dirty sawdust on the floor when you visited your village shop back in the day (or upto today) thinking that everyone was a slob, now you know.
As for those who knew the reasons why, your medal is on the way!!
Call me daft if you want that it has taken me this long to find this out and I will just say Duuuhh! After all I was born and brought up in the city and it is only now that I have taken the plunge to reside in small town Kenya that I am realizing that the dirty sawdust on the floor on visits to my grandfather’s restaurant actually had a practical purpose!
Since the onset of the rains (weatherman says it a passing cloud though) everyone who walks into the bank treks in with some mud on their shoes and then proceeds to deposit half of it in the bank probably enough at the end of the day for a kitchen garden, quality herbs and all, try as they might to scrape it off before they enter the door. This goes for staff as well and so the poor cleaning lady is constantly mopping up muddy shoe prints or sweeping dried muddy detritus off the floor.
Many establishments, restaurants, butcheries, supermarkets, MPesa shops, barber shops etc have chosen to have a heap of saw dust at the entrance to their shops sometimes even scattered on the floor itself. While I have seen this many times over the years, I have never really stopped to think why. That stuff is actually very healthy. Through many rainy seasons and years of muddy shoes, not many people stop to even scrape of some of the excess mud off their shoes as they enter into an establishment. They just saunter in oblivious to the muck and the mud they shall drag into your shop!
Sawdust sprinkled on the floor or at the entrance to a shop is an absorbent that removes dirt and dust from the floor while also absorbing any liquids that may have spilt as well common with mushy mud tracked in on your shoes. To me it also seems to keep the dust levels in the establishment down after mixing in with the sawdust because you can imagine what effect dried mud would have on the dust levels in a shop or restaurant. After the day is done, then you just sweep it up together with all the other detritus throw it out and lay on another layer tomorrow. Perhaps well-constructed pavements and better repaired roads would remove the need for this sawdust scatter something you never see in Nairobi but perhaps happens in the outlying suburbs.
How healthy the practice is I shall not even dare to conjecture because it serves a practical useful purpose in addition to ensuring that not an iota of a precious tree goes to waste.
So for those city slickers like me that never knew why you found dirty sawdust on the floor when you visited your village shop back in the day (or upto today) thinking that everyone was a slob, now you know.
As for those who knew the reasons why, your medal is on the way!!
Monday, 10 February 2014
Musings of an immigrant:
I couldn’t get a Sprite either in 1.5 or 2 litres. One of my favorite exotic flavor juices Red Guava was also not available. Did they have it in stock? They had never heard of Red Guava and had never stocked it but we have Passion, Orange, Pineapple, Red Berry and other variants of these in mixed flavors was the helpful response. What of curry peas, my favorite finger snack? Did they have that in stock…..ever? What is that I was asked but we have “njugu karanga” I was told. The office needed a foot scrapper and door mats where could these be found as they were not in stock? Blank stares met me obviously communicating that they had no idea what the hell I was talking about!!
This was a rude awakening since these are things that I have always taken for granted while shopping in Nairobi but which in Nyeri seem to be exotic, alien products probably since the suppliers do not wish to have dead stock on the shelves so choose to supply only their most popular flavors guaranteed to fly off the shelves. But don’t get me wrong! These products may be available somewhere around but I have not found them yet. The reality of small town Kenya is now sinking in and it involves decisions such as where to eat, where to get a haircut and a carwash or even a decent pub.
Nairobi spoils one for choice given that there a myriad of options to choose from on one street alone. In Nyeri a barber's shop is bound to be one of those River Road look alike places where we were taken by my father back in the day for a crew cut by Kinyanjui in a setting comprising those old comfortable barber chairs with poorly drawn characters on the wall depicting the various haircut and beard shave styles or a place squeezed in between an MPesa outlet and a restaurant almost as if it were an afterthought by the landlord where a poorly designed barber’s chair is located in an environment where three people present threatens to cause a riot all for the princely sum of 50 bob for a beard shave! 50 bob, I muse, so what gives those chaps in Nairobi the temerity to charge 200 bob for a simple shave?
But then again what standards of hygiene can be observed at 50 bob? Do they really thoroughly clean those hot towels or do they just rinse them off after the last customer and then reuse it on you when it is your turn? And that aftershave in a plastic bottle has to be the cheapest and smelliest on the market!
But again, the fact of the matter is that each town, market, village, county in Kenya etc has its own style of doing things and relating it to somewhere else is doing it a great disservice. So I will just take it one day at a time as I explore the possibilities that are there in Nyeri and consume what is available leaving my options open.
This was a rude awakening since these are things that I have always taken for granted while shopping in Nairobi but which in Nyeri seem to be exotic, alien products probably since the suppliers do not wish to have dead stock on the shelves so choose to supply only their most popular flavors guaranteed to fly off the shelves. But don’t get me wrong! These products may be available somewhere around but I have not found them yet. The reality of small town Kenya is now sinking in and it involves decisions such as where to eat, where to get a haircut and a carwash or even a decent pub.
Nairobi spoils one for choice given that there a myriad of options to choose from on one street alone. In Nyeri a barber's shop is bound to be one of those River Road look alike places where we were taken by my father back in the day for a crew cut by Kinyanjui in a setting comprising those old comfortable barber chairs with poorly drawn characters on the wall depicting the various haircut and beard shave styles or a place squeezed in between an MPesa outlet and a restaurant almost as if it were an afterthought by the landlord where a poorly designed barber’s chair is located in an environment where three people present threatens to cause a riot all for the princely sum of 50 bob for a beard shave! 50 bob, I muse, so what gives those chaps in Nairobi the temerity to charge 200 bob for a simple shave?
But then again what standards of hygiene can be observed at 50 bob? Do they really thoroughly clean those hot towels or do they just rinse them off after the last customer and then reuse it on you when it is your turn? And that aftershave in a plastic bottle has to be the cheapest and smelliest on the market!
But again, the fact of the matter is that each town, market, village, county in Kenya etc has its own style of doing things and relating it to somewhere else is doing it a great disservice. So I will just take it one day at a time as I explore the possibilities that are there in Nyeri and consume what is available leaving my options open.
Tuesday, 14 January 2014
I am now based in Nyeri:
Happy new year to all of you! It has been a busy last few weeks leaving me with little time to devote to my blog hence the reason that the blog has remained inactive for close to a month.
I am now firmly in Nyeri in the shadows of Mount Kenya that for the last two days has been visible every morning unlike previous visits to Nyeri where it has remained shyly cloaked in a cumulus of clouds. Perhaps the great mountain is welcoming me to this town and showing me its true beauty. But maybe I am running ahead of myself and some of you are lost so let me start from the beginning.
My employer has officially transferred me to Nyeri to start a new branch in the town and to also roll out a regional presence in the Central region. I reported to Nyeri last week, stayed in a hotel for a few days and then found myself a 2 bedroomed apartment in one of the better area codes of this town that is the seat of Nyeri County and importantly close to a golf course at Nyeri Club. It is less than a 5 minute drive to/from work.
My experiences so far have been humbling based on the fact that all my working life I have been based in Nairobi and now all the creature comforts that we all take for granted as being available only in the big city are also available here and to a greater or lesser extent at a more modest cost.
Parking fees is Kshs. 50.00 per day and I was unfortunate enough to have my car clamped last week and the fine was Kshs. 600.00 for that. The county government staff are quite efficient also as I found out during the clamping incident which was out of ignorance as I did not see the usual yellow jacketed attendant at the usual spot where I pay my daily parking ticket and had assumed that Saturday was a free day while they actually charge for parking until 4.00 pm!! Now I know better. Once clamped, they stick a notice on your car windscreen with a number to call and the unclamping team then comes within 10 minutes, you pay them the fine and they unclamp your car with the receipt that they have given you the one that you put on your dashboard. Monthly parking is charged at Kshs. 1,000.00
When I went to pay for a new water meter and connection, I expected much worse but I was pleasantly surprised to finish the whole process in less than 30 minutes and for my water to be connected within 24 hours of application in my case by the next business day Monday as I had only paid for the services on Friday. No follow up, no delays, no rudeness just pure efficiency. What a breath of fresh air when compared with other places I have applied for water! The electricity meter is a prepaid meter that you pay through MPesa so no horrible queuing there either.
Housing in Nyeri for middle class is also readily available and on my first foray with an estate agent I learnt that a two bedroomed house would be yours for a monthly rent from Kshs. 10,000.00 to Kshs. 15,000.00. What I got however is slightly more expensive and to put it into perspective would probably command a rent of between Kshs. 45,000.00 to Kshs. 80,000.00 per month (dependent on location) in Nairobi. It is in a block of 12 units with a common entrance, 24 hours guarding services, razor wire atop a stone wall surrounding the property, wi-fi enabled and with DSTV connection so the premium that I shall pay is well worth it. I am now working towards furnishing the apartment ready to recieve my first guests in due course.
People also tend to be friendlier here and my Nairobi bad manners will soon have to go assuming that I have any!! Also no traffic jams here though the town is a beehive of activity with many small and medium businesses operating throughout the day. Many of the big banks, insurance companies and service providers also have a presence in this town as well as a smattering of indigenous SACCO’s and businesses. The supermarkets (three in total) also stock most of the household and domestic items that you shall find in any of the giant chains of supermarkets in the country today and are always full of shoppers looking to buy anything from a fridge to a GOTV decoder.
For now I am on a mission to understand the business environment in the town so as to better market our product offering when we open for business in a few days’ time. It looks promising because in the short period that I have been in Nyeri many people have been walking in and enquiring about our products and services and promising to open new accounts when we are finally open for business.
I hope to be able to continue blogging in the New Year once things settle down.
I am now firmly in Nyeri in the shadows of Mount Kenya that for the last two days has been visible every morning unlike previous visits to Nyeri where it has remained shyly cloaked in a cumulus of clouds. Perhaps the great mountain is welcoming me to this town and showing me its true beauty. But maybe I am running ahead of myself and some of you are lost so let me start from the beginning.
My employer has officially transferred me to Nyeri to start a new branch in the town and to also roll out a regional presence in the Central region. I reported to Nyeri last week, stayed in a hotel for a few days and then found myself a 2 bedroomed apartment in one of the better area codes of this town that is the seat of Nyeri County and importantly close to a golf course at Nyeri Club. It is less than a 5 minute drive to/from work.
My experiences so far have been humbling based on the fact that all my working life I have been based in Nairobi and now all the creature comforts that we all take for granted as being available only in the big city are also available here and to a greater or lesser extent at a more modest cost.
Parking fees is Kshs. 50.00 per day and I was unfortunate enough to have my car clamped last week and the fine was Kshs. 600.00 for that. The county government staff are quite efficient also as I found out during the clamping incident which was out of ignorance as I did not see the usual yellow jacketed attendant at the usual spot where I pay my daily parking ticket and had assumed that Saturday was a free day while they actually charge for parking until 4.00 pm!! Now I know better. Once clamped, they stick a notice on your car windscreen with a number to call and the unclamping team then comes within 10 minutes, you pay them the fine and they unclamp your car with the receipt that they have given you the one that you put on your dashboard. Monthly parking is charged at Kshs. 1,000.00
When I went to pay for a new water meter and connection, I expected much worse but I was pleasantly surprised to finish the whole process in less than 30 minutes and for my water to be connected within 24 hours of application in my case by the next business day Monday as I had only paid for the services on Friday. No follow up, no delays, no rudeness just pure efficiency. What a breath of fresh air when compared with other places I have applied for water! The electricity meter is a prepaid meter that you pay through MPesa so no horrible queuing there either.
Housing in Nyeri for middle class is also readily available and on my first foray with an estate agent I learnt that a two bedroomed house would be yours for a monthly rent from Kshs. 10,000.00 to Kshs. 15,000.00. What I got however is slightly more expensive and to put it into perspective would probably command a rent of between Kshs. 45,000.00 to Kshs. 80,000.00 per month (dependent on location) in Nairobi. It is in a block of 12 units with a common entrance, 24 hours guarding services, razor wire atop a stone wall surrounding the property, wi-fi enabled and with DSTV connection so the premium that I shall pay is well worth it. I am now working towards furnishing the apartment ready to recieve my first guests in due course.
People also tend to be friendlier here and my Nairobi bad manners will soon have to go assuming that I have any!! Also no traffic jams here though the town is a beehive of activity with many small and medium businesses operating throughout the day. Many of the big banks, insurance companies and service providers also have a presence in this town as well as a smattering of indigenous SACCO’s and businesses. The supermarkets (three in total) also stock most of the household and domestic items that you shall find in any of the giant chains of supermarkets in the country today and are always full of shoppers looking to buy anything from a fridge to a GOTV decoder.
For now I am on a mission to understand the business environment in the town so as to better market our product offering when we open for business in a few days’ time. It looks promising because in the short period that I have been in Nyeri many people have been walking in and enquiring about our products and services and promising to open new accounts when we are finally open for business.
I hope to be able to continue blogging in the New Year once things settle down.
Wednesday, 11 December 2013
Where is this College of Idiocy located?
I am no psychologist but I have come to the rather cynical conclusion that matatu drivers and conductors in Kenya enrol, study and pass with flying colors from the same College of Idiocy and Infamy with a PHD in General Driving Indiscipline. It is very few who fail this course miserably but still manage to be employed as matatu drivers and conductors despite their unfailing good behavior displaying such alien traits in the industry that were not taught in college as the art of being well dressed, good road courtesy, general politeness, being well-spoken pays dividends and customer centricity leading them to forever being taunted by their more “educated” professional colleagues.
In this College of Idiocy & Infamy, they are taught how to generally behave as repulsively as possible and include subjects In GAB (generally annoying behavior) such as overtaking anywhere 101(brow of a hill/continuous yellow line/ corners etc), effective obstruction tactics, 1000 reasons why you should not bother with indicators and turn signals, rude gesturing perfection, the art of conning the vehicle owner, how NOT to maintain a vehicle, the art of blame shifting, ‘matusi’ 1-2-3, why body odor is a requirement of the job, how to run from the long arm of the law, bribery tactics, the dynamics of showing disinterest even if in the wrong, the arm dangle and what it means, being a road hog, bullying and blackmailing passengers, lying unashamedly and grasping money with three fingers.
It also includes advanced courses in total lane indiscipline, anywhere is a stage rules, how to overlap successfully as you annoy the most people at once, the scary rev to show you are in a hurry to leave, flashing headlights to oncoming traffic to show them who is boss even if you are in their lane, disabling speed governors, dealing with slow fare paying passengers, holding onto change as long as possible in the hope that it shall be forgotten, the ultimate gestures while driving at 100km/h to indicate trouble ahead and avoiding potholes is your right and to hell with everyone else.
More recently it has come to light that they are also undergoing night classes in consorting with criminal carjackers, how to bully (and if necessary beat up) a policeman, graffiti painting overnight, train evasion tactics and how to run away if things go wrong, the art of packing 12 passengers into the boot of a Probox, driving 12 hours straight without a break, the benefits of lewd and loud music and squad operations.
Now the syllabus is being taught to the piki piki (motor cycle) taxi guys who have also added topics such as speeding down the wrong side of the road against oncoming traffic at full speed, of what use is a safety helmet and the benefits of helmetless riding, maximum use of sidewalks to get to your destination, how to while away your time while in traction in a hospital and 76 ways to fall off a motor cycle.
But pray where exactly is this college located, because I have tried to locate its physical location not that I am interested in joining, but to burn it down and/or change the syllabus to something more relevant in this modern age where caveman like behavior is supposed to have become extinct with the dinosaurs and respect and dignity to your fellow countrymen is considered the basic indicator that we are human beings and not animals because frankly speaking some of the ‘tabias’ of these guys is so decidedly 19th Century!
Or am I jumping the gun here and blaming the blameless? Could it be that when one gets into a certain occupation/profession over time and despite your best efforts to retain your dignity and honor you are slowly and surely infected with the culture that controls and directs your thoughts and actions as you perform your duties? Is this perhaps also why a certain section of society while pleading for your votes will endear themselves to you then but become a total nuisance and uncontrollably greedy once elected and in office?
I must locate that college also and burn it down too!!
In this College of Idiocy & Infamy, they are taught how to generally behave as repulsively as possible and include subjects In GAB (generally annoying behavior) such as overtaking anywhere 101(brow of a hill/continuous yellow line/ corners etc), effective obstruction tactics, 1000 reasons why you should not bother with indicators and turn signals, rude gesturing perfection, the art of conning the vehicle owner, how NOT to maintain a vehicle, the art of blame shifting, ‘matusi’ 1-2-3, why body odor is a requirement of the job, how to run from the long arm of the law, bribery tactics, the dynamics of showing disinterest even if in the wrong, the arm dangle and what it means, being a road hog, bullying and blackmailing passengers, lying unashamedly and grasping money with three fingers.
It also includes advanced courses in total lane indiscipline, anywhere is a stage rules, how to overlap successfully as you annoy the most people at once, the scary rev to show you are in a hurry to leave, flashing headlights to oncoming traffic to show them who is boss even if you are in their lane, disabling speed governors, dealing with slow fare paying passengers, holding onto change as long as possible in the hope that it shall be forgotten, the ultimate gestures while driving at 100km/h to indicate trouble ahead and avoiding potholes is your right and to hell with everyone else.
More recently it has come to light that they are also undergoing night classes in consorting with criminal carjackers, how to bully (and if necessary beat up) a policeman, graffiti painting overnight, train evasion tactics and how to run away if things go wrong, the art of packing 12 passengers into the boot of a Probox, driving 12 hours straight without a break, the benefits of lewd and loud music and squad operations.
Now the syllabus is being taught to the piki piki (motor cycle) taxi guys who have also added topics such as speeding down the wrong side of the road against oncoming traffic at full speed, of what use is a safety helmet and the benefits of helmetless riding, maximum use of sidewalks to get to your destination, how to while away your time while in traction in a hospital and 76 ways to fall off a motor cycle.
But pray where exactly is this college located, because I have tried to locate its physical location not that I am interested in joining, but to burn it down and/or change the syllabus to something more relevant in this modern age where caveman like behavior is supposed to have become extinct with the dinosaurs and respect and dignity to your fellow countrymen is considered the basic indicator that we are human beings and not animals because frankly speaking some of the ‘tabias’ of these guys is so decidedly 19th Century!
Or am I jumping the gun here and blaming the blameless? Could it be that when one gets into a certain occupation/profession over time and despite your best efforts to retain your dignity and honor you are slowly and surely infected with the culture that controls and directs your thoughts and actions as you perform your duties? Is this perhaps also why a certain section of society while pleading for your votes will endear themselves to you then but become a total nuisance and uncontrollably greedy once elected and in office?
I must locate that college also and burn it down too!!
Thursday, 5 December 2013
Being a public speaker:
One of my passions is public speaking which I got involved in quite by accident many years back. In the period since I took it up, I have had the opportunity to be the Master of Ceremonies (MC) at various functions both at family level, in my workplace as well as in a classroom environment. I have made power point presentations in a training and lecture room environment to hordes of people and taken questions to respond to many times as part of public speaking, something not for the feint hearted.
My most memorable occasion was being the MC in a fund raising walk function graced by a former Vice President of Kenya, but I have also been an MC at corporate functions involving captains of industry, at CSR events and at annual staff parties and customer cocktails. I have been a guest of honor at various bank functions including churches; school sports days and so on many of which required me to make a speech as a bank representative. It is something I love doing and while not exactly easy it is something that I have grown to be quite good at and which I enjoy immensely.
Public speaking is about reading the mood of the crowd, acknowledging the solemnity or light heartedness of the occasion and also veering off from the agreed script if necessary to inject some humor or to refocus the crowd towards the goings on or the purpose of the function. It takes patience and diplomacy and the ability to take decisions on the fly and sometimes to say ‘to hell with the consequences’.
It was not always easy because upto today, the sense of fear and dread that you shall make a mess of it always precedes any function. Butterflies fritter in your stomach, you break out into a cold sweat and fear that the equipment may malfunction. However once you commence the function, all jitters go away and I am in my element confident and ready to face anything thrown at me.
It is therefore no longer a surprise to me that some of those who are supremely confident when talking to the family, friends or peers fall apart when they are faced with a situation where they have to address a crowd because it takes tenacity, patience and a cool head. It also takes some practice particularly for training sessions and when making power point presentations to a crowd of people because you want the content to flow and for you to be within the agreed timelines that have been set for you.
So next time you have a function and are looking for an MC – look no further!!
My most memorable occasion was being the MC in a fund raising walk function graced by a former Vice President of Kenya, but I have also been an MC at corporate functions involving captains of industry, at CSR events and at annual staff parties and customer cocktails. I have been a guest of honor at various bank functions including churches; school sports days and so on many of which required me to make a speech as a bank representative. It is something I love doing and while not exactly easy it is something that I have grown to be quite good at and which I enjoy immensely.
Public speaking is about reading the mood of the crowd, acknowledging the solemnity or light heartedness of the occasion and also veering off from the agreed script if necessary to inject some humor or to refocus the crowd towards the goings on or the purpose of the function. It takes patience and diplomacy and the ability to take decisions on the fly and sometimes to say ‘to hell with the consequences’.
It was not always easy because upto today, the sense of fear and dread that you shall make a mess of it always precedes any function. Butterflies fritter in your stomach, you break out into a cold sweat and fear that the equipment may malfunction. However once you commence the function, all jitters go away and I am in my element confident and ready to face anything thrown at me.
It is therefore no longer a surprise to me that some of those who are supremely confident when talking to the family, friends or peers fall apart when they are faced with a situation where they have to address a crowd because it takes tenacity, patience and a cool head. It also takes some practice particularly for training sessions and when making power point presentations to a crowd of people because you want the content to flow and for you to be within the agreed timelines that have been set for you.
So next time you have a function and are looking for an MC – look no further!!
Tuesday, 26 November 2013
Taming the monster of impunity on our roads:
I have read that the Government of Kenya (GOK) is in the processing of introducing a system that will require me to be retrained and retested to see if I am a competent driver before they issue me with a new smart driving license. This document will supposedly keep track of my incidents, accidents and transgressions with the information being shared by a host of interested parties the police, KRA and my insurance company amongst others as like the rest of officious Kenya they continue to make my life a living hell.
The plan also calls for the sending of a summons by email and SMS to appear in court if the traffic cameras catch your car jumping the traffic lights or committing any other traffic offence complete with a picture of the vehicle registration number and the facial snap shot of the offending driver. As the story is silent on how other road users shall be disciplined – pedestrians,cyclists and mkokoteni pushers – I wonder if the same measure of punishment shall be meted out to them also?
The plan also calls for the purchase of tablet computers to be used by the police officers when they catch up with you for them to swipe your license and get all the details of who you are, where you stay and other such information as well as all the muck on your erratic and undisciplined driving manners.If this initiative is all about reducing the carnage on our roads caused by drivers who bribed their way into getting their mug shots on a license document, or just bought the damn document then this is all very well. If this issue wasn’t so serious, this latest attempt by the GOK to force some semblance of discipline into the driving public in Kenya would be downright laughable.
Stay with me for a moment and get to understand the folly of this initiative honorable sounding as it may seem. First and foremost it pre-supposes that accidents are caused ONLY by undisciplined and careless vehicular drivers. The fact of the matter is that this statement is probably largely true. However a quick drive around any road in any part of the country today, including some of the new super highways and bypasses will tell a completely different story. Some of these roads were not meant to be driven on as dual carriage way roads being mostly too thin with no road shoulders, no cycling paths and no pedestrian footpaths.
This means that pedestrians, cyclists and the odd ‘mkokoteni’ are sharing the road with cars, matatus, trucks and buses dicing dangerously with death weaving and cutting in and out of traffic as all seek to get ahead of everyone else at the expense of the rest! The super highways and bypasses to my untrained eye are not well designed either, with dangerous intersections, overpasses and underpasses as well as blind exit lanes, no working street lights and for the most part filthy and unkempt road surfaces where again cyclists, pedestrians and the odd ‘mkokoteni’ criss cross the roads dangerously sometimes against the flow of traffic and at non-existent crossing points and oblivious to their own fate!
The GOK has said that they shall initially target the 25,000 PSV drivers who would surely put any motorist in any country in the world to shame with their dangerous and death defying antics which is all well save for the fact that these are also the most adept and brazen givers of bribes on our roads today so that a vehicle with tyres as smooth as a baby’s bottom will be deemed fit to continue plying on the roads in his death trap of a vehicle so long as the correct amount of bribe has been paid to the traffic policeman that had the audacity to stop that vehicle in the first place……and before anyone is unduly harsh on my judgement of the police department, I am not the one who ranks them consistently corrupt year in year out!!
So if these are the same people expected to reign in the trouble makers on our roads then what will have changed? What is to prevent the police officer from accepting a bribe in lieu of adding another transgression on a driving license when the offending driver is on the brink of losing his driving privileges for good? What is to stop the police officer from accepting a bribe so as not to swipe your card on the tablet reader which shall show that you are using your brothers license yours having been suspended months back?
The cost of bribery is going to go up, the rate of accidents shall remain at the same level so long as the same indiscipline targeting motorists is not extended to the pedestrians and cyclists with a death wish and who therefore walk anywhere they feel like safe in the knowledge that an accident is always caused by a motorist and never by a pedestrian.
So long as the state of the roads in the country remains the same – shambolic, dangerous and with ill-conceived interchanges and lacking the basic road infrastructure to make them safe then the rate of accidents shall remain the same.
It will take a multi-faceted approach involving disciplining of all road users and due care and diligence from the engineers that design our roads before an effective solution is found to end the carnage!!
The plan also calls for the sending of a summons by email and SMS to appear in court if the traffic cameras catch your car jumping the traffic lights or committing any other traffic offence complete with a picture of the vehicle registration number and the facial snap shot of the offending driver. As the story is silent on how other road users shall be disciplined – pedestrians,cyclists and mkokoteni pushers – I wonder if the same measure of punishment shall be meted out to them also?
The plan also calls for the purchase of tablet computers to be used by the police officers when they catch up with you for them to swipe your license and get all the details of who you are, where you stay and other such information as well as all the muck on your erratic and undisciplined driving manners.If this initiative is all about reducing the carnage on our roads caused by drivers who bribed their way into getting their mug shots on a license document, or just bought the damn document then this is all very well. If this issue wasn’t so serious, this latest attempt by the GOK to force some semblance of discipline into the driving public in Kenya would be downright laughable.
Stay with me for a moment and get to understand the folly of this initiative honorable sounding as it may seem. First and foremost it pre-supposes that accidents are caused ONLY by undisciplined and careless vehicular drivers. The fact of the matter is that this statement is probably largely true. However a quick drive around any road in any part of the country today, including some of the new super highways and bypasses will tell a completely different story. Some of these roads were not meant to be driven on as dual carriage way roads being mostly too thin with no road shoulders, no cycling paths and no pedestrian footpaths.
This means that pedestrians, cyclists and the odd ‘mkokoteni’ are sharing the road with cars, matatus, trucks and buses dicing dangerously with death weaving and cutting in and out of traffic as all seek to get ahead of everyone else at the expense of the rest! The super highways and bypasses to my untrained eye are not well designed either, with dangerous intersections, overpasses and underpasses as well as blind exit lanes, no working street lights and for the most part filthy and unkempt road surfaces where again cyclists, pedestrians and the odd ‘mkokoteni’ criss cross the roads dangerously sometimes against the flow of traffic and at non-existent crossing points and oblivious to their own fate!
The GOK has said that they shall initially target the 25,000 PSV drivers who would surely put any motorist in any country in the world to shame with their dangerous and death defying antics which is all well save for the fact that these are also the most adept and brazen givers of bribes on our roads today so that a vehicle with tyres as smooth as a baby’s bottom will be deemed fit to continue plying on the roads in his death trap of a vehicle so long as the correct amount of bribe has been paid to the traffic policeman that had the audacity to stop that vehicle in the first place……and before anyone is unduly harsh on my judgement of the police department, I am not the one who ranks them consistently corrupt year in year out!!
So if these are the same people expected to reign in the trouble makers on our roads then what will have changed? What is to prevent the police officer from accepting a bribe in lieu of adding another transgression on a driving license when the offending driver is on the brink of losing his driving privileges for good? What is to stop the police officer from accepting a bribe so as not to swipe your card on the tablet reader which shall show that you are using your brothers license yours having been suspended months back?
The cost of bribery is going to go up, the rate of accidents shall remain at the same level so long as the same indiscipline targeting motorists is not extended to the pedestrians and cyclists with a death wish and who therefore walk anywhere they feel like safe in the knowledge that an accident is always caused by a motorist and never by a pedestrian.
So long as the state of the roads in the country remains the same – shambolic, dangerous and with ill-conceived interchanges and lacking the basic road infrastructure to make them safe then the rate of accidents shall remain the same.
It will take a multi-faceted approach involving disciplining of all road users and due care and diligence from the engineers that design our roads before an effective solution is found to end the carnage!!
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