Corruption, corruption everywhere:

I despair at what is happening in Kenya today. I want to believe that we have a pragmatic and wise leadership that is aware of the issues that are supposed to be in the best interests of the country, but alas what we are seeing and reading about in matters of misuse of public funds and outright theft seems to suggest otherwise!

I recently watched a 2011 viral video of then President John Atta Mills of Ghana seemingly fed up with the shenanigans and corrupt ways of those in the Customs Department in his country, storming into what may have been the customs head office at the port of Tema and proceeding to tell off the corrupt officials. The visibly annoyed president did not mince his words and lambasted those present (unfortunately the video focus is on him so we don’t see the faces of those on the firing line) for failing to look at the interests of the country first but instead enriching themselves at their work stations. This must have been a serious crisis if the president himself made an appearance perhaps suggesting the gravity of the situation.

A friend who has been in Kenya for the last 15 years made a telling comment recently that in the decade and a half that he has been in the country not a single politician or high ranking government officer has been jailed for corruption or theft of public funds. Someone else present then shared a story how the North Korean leader earlier this year reportedly had a high ranking military general executed with anti-aircraft guns virtually vaporizing him for the treasonable act of napping during a military parade where the leader was present!!

While North Korea is not known to be a bastion of civility and democracy and indeed seems to be run like a personal fiefdom whose leadership is handed down from generation to generation, and whether this (apparently widely reported) event did take place - see story under the following link http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/may/13/north-korean-defence-minister-executed-by-anti-aircaft-gun-report the point is that drastic action is required from a leader to make a point if things are not progressing as they should.

In my opinion, and while agreeing with the opposition who are shouting from the rooftops about corruption, corruption and more corruption in government circles (and by the way I don’t believe they would be any different were the shoe on the other foot) I think that the theft of public funds and widely reported corruption reached endemic proportions a long time ago and continues unabated and unchecked and drastic, mercurical and unprecedented action now needs to take place before the country already in the throes of an economic shutdown collapses on itself.

I may not be an economist but the current economic crisis and reports of unpaid salaries and wages to state and government officers, high interest rates as the government continues to borrow domestically, banks shutting their doors to innocent depositors, ferries breaking down at the busiest ferry crossing point in Kenya at Likoni in Mombasa is nothing but a reaction to the years of corruption and theft of public funds by those entrusted with looking after the public vault.

Unless something, anything drastic and dramatic happens to stop this nonesense, this pussy footing and shielding of cronies and busom buddies implicated in corruption scandals and long drawn out cases in court designed seemingly to cleanse the accused shall not solve a thing. It behoves those who have sworn to protect our constitution to roll up their sleeves and fight this vice before it pulls us down into the abyss together! While their tactics may not be anything as dramatic as what happened in North Korea the message needs to be sent that corrupt individuals shall be dealt with firmly and decisively. The law must be applied equally across the board and the maximum sentence handed down to the individuals that make up these cabals and networks of corruption.

Corruption is everywhere and it must be fought at all levels starting with those with the power to stop high level corruption dead in its track!!

It’s just a matter of time and we’ll be inundated folks:

A friend is currently in America and he narrated how a week ago he was unable to proceed on a planned visit to Washington DC due to hurricane Joaquin bearing down on the East Coast of the US and how due to the state of emergency declared by respective state governors leading to all non-essential travel being cancelled they had stayed put even practicing living in a storm cellar should things get really rough. Well they dodged that bullet with the hurricane veering off towards Bermuda and causing serious damage in that region.

This is a grim preamble to our own looming crisis, but are we ready for it? The now boring mantra of ‘serikali saidia’ is almost on us once again. With the advent of the expected El Nino rains as has been predicated not only by our weather men in the +254 but also internationally heavy rains affecting much of the country will be upon us soon in a deluge of rain, more rain, floods, over flowing rivers, landslides and misery interwoven in equal measure reminiscent of the times of Noah and his famous Ark! This is expected to be the worst period of continual rain for the last 60 years.

In Kenya, the central and county governments seem to have taken the threats of flooding and related perils wrought by the expected heavy rains seriously (and I say this with a pinch of salt and tongue in cheek and trying unsuccessfully not to roll on the ground as I burst out laughing) based on the frenetic warnings to those living in flood prone low lying areas as well as those on riparian reserves and hilly slopes prone to landslides to relocate for the time being until the El Nino rains are over. There also appears to be additional efforts to clear up chocked and clogged drains and to widen drainage channels in flood prone towns and low lying areas despite the blame game that is shaping up with the central government being accused of not releasing funds for El Nino preparedness a song that is likely to take on a more stringent tone when the rains begin pounding in earnest.

The die is already cast and already some deaths have been reported in the media in rain related incidents across the country but the citizens are having none of these requests to move away from danger responding with the clichés that they have nowhere else to go, their homes have never been affected before so why now, and that their children are hard at work studying for exams…….as if they shall have a future should the deadly predictions be proved right and whole families plus their books and beloved pets are swept into a watery grave one rainy night!

But anyone over the age of 15 years of age will agree with me that in this digital age weather predictions are spot on 95% of the time so while it would be unfair to look on with disdain at the steps a caring government (oxymoron intended) is taking to protect its citizens from the almost certain elements soon to visited upon us, it is equally foolish to ignore the advice of the scientists that study such mundane things as weather predictions for a living, with one clueless guy recently admitting he has not heard anything about heavy rains and once again proving beyond doubt that aliens from another planet do populate our country!

So don’t rule out ‘serikali saidia’ choruses when rain drenched citizens who refused to heed warnings of danger with nothing else left but the clothes on their backs now turn to the same government that they ignored for assistance when the chips and their homes are finally down swept into a pulpy mess by the raging storms soon to land on our shores!

But whatever you do heed the expert calls on how to stay safe rather than sorry however silly they may sound because this could save your life.

Religion takes on a new dimension

Back in the day when you dared someone to a school yard fight you drew a line in the sand and dared them to cross at the risk of a through beating while in actual fact you were lily livered cowards. It didn’t matter how many times that line was breached because you would draw another and another until light faded or your parents came to pick you up from school sparing you further blushes as the champion school yard coward of the day!

Sometimes I’m not sure whether to laugh at religious zealots who follow their religious leaders with puppy dog devotion lapping up all the content spewed at them or to weep at what I would consider their naïveté for signing up for something that they cannot now exit peacefully without being labeled a charlatan somewhat like the school yard bully who keeps drawing lines in the sand while awaiting a tactical time to retreat without losing face.

I recently wrote about religion and it seems that the excesses of that sensitive subject never quite disappear, they only fade away only to resurface at the most inopportune of times. This time we had unwittingly exposed a bishop of a church to ridicule in the eyes of his flock to the chagrin of the lay leadership of the church who couldn’t understand how we could fail to recognize the authority of a whole bishop of the church.

Let me digress a little with a narration of an incident that happened to me many years back. I was in Form 6 and the deputy head boy of a predominantly Asian school in Nairobi. The practice of having an Asian head boy/girl and an African deputy head boy/girl had been part of the tradition in the school to bring in some semblance of inclusivity of the African for a few years and seemed to be working well and this was my year.

One fine day we received an important guest in the school, the Begum Salima the wife to the spiritual head of the millions of Ismailia Muslims across the world his holiness the Aga Khan himself. This event had been preceded by a lot of excitement by the Ismailia students and staff at the school and the mood was palpable and the air pregnant with expectation. As was the tradition the visitor was introduced to the student leadership in the school and I got to solemnly shake her highnesses hand a gesture probably considered blasphemous given that the teachers were swooning all over themselves to bow their heads in supplication and get that all important touch on their heads!

“How could these upstart Africans get to hold hands with royalty” must have been on the thoughts of many because the immediate reaction after she left was for them to approach me to find out how it felt like! Other than being soft to the touch and quite cool her handshake didn’t feel any different from anyone else’s but of course they were having none of that. Didn’t I know that I had been blessed a million times more by that small hand shake than those whose heads had been touched? No I didn’t……..! Would I wash my hands anytime soon? Sure I would to disbelieving gasps from the assembled teachers and students alike who affirmed that they would never wash their hands for the rest of their lives if they were in the same situation that I found myself in. At that moment the fact that I had been blessed by the Aga Khan himself by the simple gesture of a handshake from his wife was lost on me.

Fast forward to today 35 years later! We open a church account for a specific church recently and get all necessary documents including a letter from the Chairman of the Church Central Committee confirming no objection. A few months later all hell breaks loose after an abortive and volatile election of the church where the outgoing committee who happen to be signatories to the account in our books dispute the outcome of the elections and inform the bank accordingly. The next day, another group of people come to the bank armed with a letter from the church and the bishop informing us that they are the new signatories to the account. By whatever definition this is a full blown dispute pitting different factions of a church that I have so far only ever read about in the press.

Now this is a delicate situation by any standards and we need to move fast to retain the banks reputation and more importantly safeguard the money in the account so we freeze the account. No money can be deposited or withdrawn from the account for the time being and then we write an official letter to the church as our client with a copy to the bishop asking that they resolve their issues and then advise us to change signatories with the full knowledge of all factions.

Our letter seemed to be the last straw as a fuming chairman then accuses us of undermining the name of the bishop by subjecting it to ridicule by the congregation of the church that had held the abortive elections with our letter to them asking them to resolve their disputes!

The questions that arise are these. How am I expected to understand the authority of a bishop of a church that I don’t follow? What gives a member of a congregation the right to accuse me of disrespecting the authority of the bishop? Why in the first place have disputes within your church that you cannot manage yet want to drag the name of a bank into internal disputes?
The hierarchical structures in place in any church are an internal matter and should not be confused with the acceptable practices employed in financial establishments where our motives are neither emotional nor dictated by the authority of the highest office in that organisation. Whether the Begum Salima, the Dalai Lama, the Syedna the bishop and so on I should not be expected to kow tow to the faith of the believers and blindly be expected to pay homage and practice reverence when I am in their exalted presence or to instruction in letters written in their exalted hands.

On a similar note I was once phoned by an all-powerful civil servant for daring to subject one of our highly connected clients with a letter of default on his loan facilities and threatening to auction his property. As calmly as my shaking voice could muster I told him that the party had defaulted on his obligations with the bank and I was not at liberty to disclose issues relating to a client of the bank against all my sinews urging me to reveal all and live with the consequences. Thankfully he disconnected the line before my sweaty hands had dropped the handset whereupon I contacted my superiors and informed them of the earth shattering phone call for them to handle.

A well-known and powerful public civil servant contacting a lowly me sitting in my modest office could get me all riled up and standing to attention almost saluting as I responded to his phone call but I still managed to convey the banks position on a sensitive issue so why would a person unknown to me cause me to suffer the same tremens delirium?

The long and the short is that issues relating to a church or congregation should not compel one to insist that others behave the same way to their chosen beholden mami and dadi because religion is a personal choice.

Religion is a touchy subject:

Earlier today a pastor whose church we have been wooing for a bank account for some time asked me in the course of our discussions if I was born again and seemed to be personally affronted when I told him that I was not! This did not faze me in the least but once again the topic I am about to tackle – religion - came to the fore.

Religion is a touchy subject so touchy that anyone commenting on it is likely to incur the wrath of those whose toes they seem to be treading on. Commenting on matters religious is akin to treading on thin ice or in our Kenyan context a mud hole where any wrong step may result in a messy pair of shoes and possibly worse.

I was reminded of this a few weeks ago when an innocent comment on a social media platform where I am a member sparked off indignant outrage. It started off, like such things, quite innocently when a member commented that he did not see the necessity of long winded sermons on matters religion being posted every morning onto our social media page – Whatsapp to be precise - yet the forum was supposed to be dedicated to matters and information affecting the neighborhood that we reside in.

In my opinion this was a personal statement that should have been met with measured comments on its pros or cons but not with the furious rebuttals and counter allegations by supporters of the said sermons (who probably get their dose of spiritual nourishment from those sermons) who came out guns ablaze in support.

My own opinion which I voiced was that the forum was set up to discuss and disseminate issues affecting our community and that we were a disparate and diverse (through the overwhelming majority practice the Christian faith) community who espoused different religious views and therefore it was unfair to those that did not espouse those views to be part of the audience. I further went on to opine that if I was a Muslim and decided to use that forum to spread the word of Allah I would be labeled as being unchristian and using the wrong forum for the simple reason that the majority are, as I’ve mentioned, of the Christian persuasion!

Suffice is to say that the original asker of the innocent question left the group a short while later and the religious sermons no longer populate our phones so something clearly must have been done or a decision taken elsewhere for the sake of fulfilling the objectives of the group.

One can argue that in those situations, you have the option of either reading, deleting or ignoring content that doesn’t interest you because everyone has different motives for their actions but I guess the point being made was that if you set us a Whatsapp forum for golfers as an example, should you then start posting issues relating to your failed marriage or your difficult boss at the office?

This brings me to the topical issue that is currently trending in the news and on social media about a pastor at one of the charismatic churches in Nairobi who was in a hurry to get to wherever he was going several days ago and in the process causing the death of an innocent person after a head on collision with an oncoming vehicle. This may be considered an accident which is likely to happen to any motorist at one time or other in their lives but the fact that he seemed to be breaking every rule in the book including carelessly speeding, overtaking and forcing drivers of the road while on an expired insurance sticker goes to show just what kind of deviant behavior he was exhibiting.

That he then took off from the scene of the accident in another vehicle even as people lay writhing in pain and dying and then proceeded to engineer a cover up of epic proportions with the help of rogue police officers from a nearby police station who ignored witness statements, erased call and SMS data as is emerging from investigations ordered by the Inspector General of Police, is the icing on the cake in this ignominious and contemptible saga that is now threatening the careers of several people including those that misadvised the IGP into making statements on his social media page in defending the hapless pastor.

He also seems to command police protection and have high level connections with his vehicle being released with uncustomary speed from the police yard where it was towed to and was even able to pay a likely scapegoat to act as the alleged driver of the vehicle arraigned in court neck brace and all is the stuff of a riveting action movie. I wonder how many other such cases abound where innocent chaps for a few shillings happily languish in jail knowing that the loot they have been paid will be theirs to enjoy once released from gaol!!

The question on everyone’s mind now is how did he with his cloak of religious piety even think to come up with this cloak and dagger scheme? Is this not the thinking of a dangerous and nefarious criminal? If this is the role model to his congregation and society at large then surely the world is coming to an end as was foretold in the bible!

Continuing with matters religious, I came across a post by a member of parliament again on social media who was asking for views from his constituents on going after 2nd generation churches now that 2nd generation alcohol had been consigned to various streams, rivers and sewers across the country. It was not clear who his intended victim was supposed to be but it seems that he is similarly fed up with the goings on and shenanigans by some of the pastors, bishops, ministers, anointed and so on who have made religion a get rich quick scheme where they extort money from their congregations through various nefarious schemes whose only result is to impoverish their flock even more.

The general feeling from the responses to his question was a furious barrage of self-righteous indignation that such a thought could even cross his mind if he wished to see the inside of parliament ever again with the more rabid and vacuous defending religion as their right and no one should direct them who to follow and when. No wonder that religion is probably one of the biggest causes of broken families in our country today.

So with pastors thinking like hardened criminals and the faithful (victims) defending their pastors as being as clean as the driven snow we are in for a showdown of epic proportions if ‘mheshimiwa’ makes good his threats to sweep away 2nd generation churches from our midst because clearly there are those faithful who are ready to take a bullet for their thieving and immoral pastors while at the same time defending them against their crimes as the work of the devil the eye witness accounts notwithstanding!

As for my brave neighbor who took on the wrath of God’s defenders I salute your right to defend your space when it is being taken over by others. May the good Lord also punish those of his servants who mock him through their actions and may the judge who is assigned this case not be swayed by the prayers of those who believe their pastor cannot possibly have done what he is being accused of.

Finally may that imbecile of a man who agreed to stand in for his pastor as a scapegoat driver also suffer the wrath of the judicial system for perjury and misrepresenting the truth while under oath.

You need to finally tame corruption Sir!!

Mr. President it is time to whip out the big stick because someone no doubt faceless and part of a gluttonous cartel has just stolen my money. Correction, sir…………..someone has been stealing my money for a very long time.

Going by the report from the auditor general in the dailies recently that shocked me into a stunned silence, I have calculated that my share of the stolen billions is Kshs. 1,675.00. This may not sound like much but multiply that by 40 Million Kenyans and suddenly it becomes an obscene number, Kshs. 67 Billion to be precise! Collectively my immediate family has lost a whopping Kshs. 6,700.00 and your family an even larger amount of Kshs. 8,375.00 enough to take care of supermarket shopping for a week. If I rope in my extended family on both sides, this figure is exponentially raised by the number of people in my extended family and becomes a significant amount.

I am not sure that those that manage the public resources of this country know the irreparable damage they cause when they dip their grubby fingers into the public pot because in the private sector where I work this would be a sure recipe to spill your ‘unga’ with no equivocation. You would be out of the door long before the word sorry has had a chance to form in your mind which is no doubt how your family businesses are managed with honesty and transparency!

Some of those whose dockets have been mentioned have even said that their dockets are clean and the auditor general doesn’t have a clue what he is talking about but pray what benefit would he get from falsifying a report of such momentous proportions, and while at it increase his personal security detail because corruption is about to fight back.

So how shall you smite this demon of corruption that has transformed itself over the years to consign the public sector to a veritable den of crooks at a feeding trough? Will your solemn oath to protect this nation and fight corruption be mere rhetoric? Will you leave us a legacy of continuing corruption during your term in office? We need to hear you on this serious matter and most importantly see solid and incontrovertible action against these enemies of this country.

Your recent action to ask those named in corruption allegations to step aside was a step in the right direction and all of us thought that finally heads would roll. We still wait with bated breath but alas the wheels of justice turn ever so slowly or is it corruption fighting back? With only 26 cases out of the hundreds of names in the list of shame seeing the light of day it looks like corruption is winning and those initially named in the list of shame are still parading around shamelessly broadcasting to all and sundry of their innocence as they continue to flaunt their ill-gotten wealth.

But what is stepping aside a term invented by disgraced public servants & politicians who don’t want to admit that they are guilty of the allegations leveled against them? I say fire these jokers, freeze their bank accounts and have their names, careers and reputations put under intense scrutiny to make them as miserable as the poor people that they are stealing from including their own grandmothers, mothers and daughters. When investigations are done and incontrovertible guilt proven which shall no doubt happen, set up a special court to prosecute these traitors as quickly as possible because resolve alone without action will not result in the much desired changes to the endemic culture of corruption in the public service.......with all due respect to the majority of the hard working civil servants who are free of graft!

Let your big stick whip equally those close to you, those from your community and those of your trusted advisors and lieutenants that may have failed the test of public accountability because ‘kikulacho ki nguoni mwako’! Let there be no sacred cows and let the investigations be conducted openly and transparently and cover a minimum of 20 years because there is no statute of limitations on treason and a majority of those who stole and continue to steal my money are no doubt still around.

Corruption is bound to fight back big time because it is backed by a bottomless war chest of stolen public funds by a few individuals but the majority of Kenyans will be routing for your success and the bright future of this country because truly we are all fed up!!

You need to finally tame this beast before it gobbles us all up!

Austerity or a stroke of genius:

I am not going to say that I was not impressed by the frugality of the new Central Bank of Kenya governor who has refused to accept the perks that go along with the high office that he occupies.

That he has refused the offer of three top of the line executive vehicles, a palatial residence in one of the most sought after suburbs of Nairobi, a plethora of servants at his beck and call, a security detail comprising bodyguards and drivers and a smart phone befitting his position can only mean one thing.......good grief what was the man thinking?

It was bad enough, they said, that the man had no wife, no children and no worldly possessions of any value other than the simple clothes on his back and those in his tin trunk back at his shared accommodation facilities with other like-minded individuals somewhere in Nairobi. Someone even had the gall to offer him a wife as if that would guarantee him to do the job at hand better!

Looking at this issue critically, I can’t help but think that this man is miserly and does not want others to progress at his expense. He is about to commit 20-30 people to the unemployment queue and their immediate and extended families to a life of penury and for what, to save a few million shillings in tax payers’ money! Or is he just a pragmatist now that the Kenya shilling has touched the Kshs. 100.00 mark last seen 4 years ago?

I wonder whether he shall be driving himself to work in his personal vehicle possibly a nondescript 2005 Toyota Corolla even as he mulls over the decline in the value of the Kenya Shilling and agonizes on how to make banks bring down interest rates since they don’t seem to comprehend that there is a direct correlation between interest rates and inflation.

He also risks being stopped and fined by overzealous traffic police officers ever vigilant to arrest those with the serious offence of talking on the phone while driving because being the busy man that he is he is bound to receive important phone calls that he cannot ignore (even if he doesn’t make any) on his latest mobile phone, a Nokia 3310 gifted to him by a grateful South Korean business mogul after the governors predictions in the movement of the Won against the US dollar 15 years ago made the business mogul a handsome return on his investment. After all he is the CBK governor!

But really what is so difficult about travelling in economy class instead of first class? What is so difficult about living a life free from the demands of a wife and kids as many men shall attest to today while quoting the hackneyed saying that the wedding ring is a strong and lifelong handcuff and so you’d better choose your warden wisely? What is so important about being seen in the biggest and longest car on the block or living on a two acre manicured compound surrounded by servants and bodyguards? Aren’t these just ego trips and expensive unnecessary expenses because they are certainly not necessities in my humble opinion. I think the culture we have all eschewed is looking for the jobs with the greatest perks and benefits even when clearly those perks and benefits may not necessarily add value to your life.

I wonder how previous CBK governors manage their lives now that the bodyguards, drivers, servants and big cars paid for by the tax payers are no longer at their disposal? Does it mean that they now have to foot the bill to enjoy all these benefits and perks that they had taken for granted while in their high office?

There is one good example of austerity in one Jose Mujica aka Pepe a former president of Uruguay until early 2015. Mujica, had foregone a state palace in favor of a farmhouse owned by his wife where they grew flowers for sale, he donated 90% of his modest $12,000.00 monthly salary to social projects, flew economy class when required and drove himself in an old Volkswagen Beetle. He was and still is one of the most popular leaders in that country to date partly because of his austerity but I would want to believe more for being a role model to his subjects. It is likely there are also hundreds or even thousands more such cases around the world where leaders deny themselves the perqusities that come with their job roles simply because they may not fit into their chosen lifestyles.

One of my brothers was the Group CEO’s of a public listed company until a year ago and he was in constant fights with his managers about cutting down on costs. He was entitled to 1st class tickets as the CEO and 5 star accommodation whenever he travelled (which was quite frequently) and a new official vehicle complete with a driver but chose instead to fly economy and stay at 2 & 3 star hotels. He often jogged home in the evening telling his driver to take the car home and many times he actually got home way before his driver thanks to the endemic traffic jams in Nairobi.

So it is possible to live a humble life and forego some of the perks and benefits that come with a high paying job and lead by example because which of your juniors shall expect fat perks and 1st class tickets when travelling with the head honcho of the company.

Kudos to governor Njoroge for leading from the front and all the success as he takes on his new responsibilities at the helm of the Kenyan monetary system more so now that the local currency is under immense pressure and has touched an all-time low against all other major international currencies!

Is there any distinction between matatus and excrement?

I look at ‘matatus’ on our roads and get the feeling that they are not dissimilar to human (s*#t) excrement.

They come in all shapes and sizes like you know what! Some are large, some are small and many are medium sized. Others are long, while others are short and of an unidentified pedigree. Still others are well formed while others are misshapen and almost beyond identification.

They are like the proverbial loose stool on our roads, sliding in and out of traffic leaving a trail of havoc, destruction and chaos in their wake and a stink in the air and without caring to clean up after themselves.

Sometimes they just squat there waiting to be cleared by the cops especially after a “teeny weeny” fender bender with an innocent motorist, while at other times they diarrhea all over the place like an infant without diapers or a drunk after a potentially lethal dose of ‘kari kari’ in their haste to fill any nook and cranny on the roads as they overlook all the rules of the road to get to their destination.

At other times it is as if they have constipation, unable to go anywhere and blocking the flow of traffic while just sitting there stone faced acting as if they are invisible and immortal.

Other times they are just all talk and no action like a person with an upset stomach because of the wrong dose of fuel or oil, farting and making a hell of a lot of noise with no corresponding positive motion in any direction.

And what about the confusion wrought in the bus stage similar to an unflushed loo at one of the local pubs as each tries to outdo the other all shapes, colors and sizes intertwined as they release their innards of disembarking passengers while they fill up with those wishing to get home stinking up the whole place and all with the same desire to flow out of there as quickly as possible when done to add to the mess that they found.

Surely the analogy between these guys and what comes out of an anus is no different!