The irony of certain situations:

Sometimes you just have to laugh at the irony of certain situations that you find yourself in rather than cry from the frustrations wrought by those you encounter.

The following is my story, embellished with some license for dramatic effect.

My duties involve overseeing the region where I am based and yesterday I visited Meru Town where construction work has commenced on a new branch location in that town. After inspecting the upcoming premises (this being my first visit) and being rather early I decided to via through Isiolo on my way back to Nanyuki through the Ruiri route directly to Isiolo. My business in Isiolo done…......it was a drive through to see what the town looks like in readiness for the promised development through LAPSSET...... I began my drive back to Nanyuki.

Those who may have used the route from Isiolo to Nanyuki will confirm that it is a sparsely populated region albeit with an excellent road that from Isiolo stretches 277 kilometers to Marsabit and a further 250 kilometers to the border town of Mandera and as I understand it is well tarmacked all the way to Marsabit. There is hardly any serious settlement along the 25 kilometers odd section from Isiolo to Subuiga to talk about. You probably see less than 20 vehicles in either direction also and it is clearly quite a lonely road.

A few kilometers past Isiolo and roughly halfway to Subuiga is a market - village more likely - called Maili Saba. It is as uninspiring as they come being just a collection of dusty shops and houses like you’ll find in a thousand similar markets across Kenya. Unless you are really keen you will miss the speed limit sign like I did and only see the cancelling one as you exit the market 50 meters later. The speed limit is 50 kilometers per hour within this market. Believe it or not the hunting pack, NTSA and the Kenya Police, had set up a speed trap within this village and the arresting point was 1 kilometer further down the road.

Unaware that I had broken the law, I was pulled over by a very young chap clearly a no nonsense NTSA officer and in my naiveté handed over my driver’s license sure that I was compliant in all aspects. My innocent question whether I had done anything wrong was met with a cold stare and I was asked what speed I had been doing to which I confidently said that I had not crossed the 100 km/hr speed limit that all drivers in Kenya are now familiar with, to which the response was that I had been doing 82 in a 50 kms/hr speed zone a hefty 32 kms/hr over the speed limit.

This was clearly a sting operation. The only vehicles which could not have been doing anything close to 50 kms/hr were the heavily laden pickups and trucks ferrying goats, cows and whatnot to whichever distant market they were headed to. This was a farce and the number of cars at least 10 coming from Isiolo pointed to the fact that we were all guilty of excess speed even as the few cars headed towards Isiolo zoomed past clearly not slowing down for any 50 km/hr speed limit sign as they approached Maili Saba. I was cornered and in a fix more so because they wanted a cash bail and then an appearance in court the next day in Meru 77 kilometers from Nanyuki where I live, work and play.

I pleaded my case to an understanding police officer who from his comments seemed to consider me a hardened criminal that was a threat to the lives of the 75 or so local residents of Maili Saba and their livestock by zooming past at 82 kms/hr oblivious to the dangers that I exposed them to in my haste to get back to work. The fact that the place was sparsely populated, had almost zero vehicular traffic and no bumps to help us criminals slowdown was lost on these officers who clearly saw a chance at beefing up the governments depleted coffers by arresting speeding motorists as part of their responsibilities to their employer!

After intense deliberations and a lecture from the officer that all villages, hamlets, markets and towns in the whole country were considered urban centers and hence subject to a 50 kms/hr speed limit whether or not the speed limit signs were in place, I was let off with a stern warning to proceed to Nanyuki which I did slowing down to within 50 kms/hr at every hamlet that I came upon even as the dare devils from Meru unaware of the harassment on the Isiolo-Subuiga route sped on their merry way.

This pack was having field day though and they must have raked in a tidy sum seeing that this is a transit route for vehicles either to Isiolo and beyond or from beyond Isiolo and it was also likely that many would be seriously inconvenienced like I would have been to attend a court case in Meru. The officer even regaled me with a story of a mzungu guy who was going all the way to Nakuru for an important assignment the next day and who had to be led back to Maili Saba to confirm that there existed a speed limit sign after which he apologized profusely for wasting their time!

Whether he paid a cash bail or was let off like me I will never know but I learnt several things after this encounter:

1. Everyone is aware of the 100 kms/hr maximum speed limit on our roads and motorists tend to stay within this limit.
2. No one sees or remembers the 50 kms/hr speed limit and the NTSA well aware of this seems to be targeting motorists in areas where this speed limit sign is posted.
3. It is not certain what constitutes an urban area. Is it a collection of two huts, 10 buildings, 15 houses? What?

Finally, even in the most remote of roads expect anything from the pack hunters who seem to be getting better and better at cornering their unwitting prey even as it dawns on me that this is a war that we can’t win as all the odds are stacked in their favor.

This is either the planning of an evil genius or a demented and sadistic organization whose sole purpose is to harass innocent motorists (hard core law breakers in their books) on lonely back roads even as they purport to enforce the law while on other busy roads speed limits are being broken with impunity and wanton abandon by mad cap miraa vehicles and private motorists alike.

Disconcerted as I was I laughed inwardly at the irony of the fact that these guys could be lurking wherever you might be try as you may to avoid them !!

NB - A friend has just informed me of a similar incident that happened on the way to Karatina from Nairobi of motorists being busted for breaking the 50 kms/hr speed limit. It looks like a change in tact so be observant and stay within the posted speed limits!

The pack hunters:

The hunters were out hunting early one fine morning. It was barely 7.00 am but they were already out and about on the lookout for easy prey. They were positioned strategically, ready to pounce should the victim make a move in the wrong direction. All around the well-travelled route they lay in wait knowing that it was just a matter of time before someone, something, anyone made a wrong move when the pincer movement perfected by the Germans in World War I using their Panzer tanks would encircle around making sure that there was no possible escape route and to devastating effect.

There were in all shapes and sizes the pack hunters some coming out in large numbers ready to share the spoils of a successful hunt. Then there were those that chose to hunt in pairs and trios, and then there were the lone rangers hunting alone and keeping all the spoils to themselves like the lions, hyenas, leopards and cheetahs of the wild that they were not.

These tricks had been perfected long time ago seemingly from the beginning of time itself. The positioning, the encircling, the anticipation clear on their furrowed brows and wrinkled foreheads some clearly not able to hunt effectively thanks to protuberant mid sections due to years of engorgement with scant or non-existent exercise.

This was like a well-oiled machine most able to work alone but sure that at the end of the day they would all share in the kill, each afforded a share equal to their importance within the hierarchical pecking order.

Lest you wonder why I am talking about the Masai Mara yet I haven’t been there in close to three years let me let on that this was the situation on the Thika super highway not so long ago as a proceeded towards Nanyuki. There were no less than 6 groups of traffic officers, brilliantly lit in the early morning light in their reflective luminous jackets, obnoxious beacons of corrupt practices broadcasting to the matatu drivers and lorry drivers that they were waiting for them. It seems that no matatu or lorry passes them by without being flagged down and the obvious shake down happening as they pretend to inspect new worn out tyres and expired current PSV and insurance certificates even as the rest of us ordinary motorists speed past as a sedate 100km/h.

As had clearly come out during the ongoing police vetting exercise these law enforcers gone rogue have been enriching themselves at the expense of maintaining law and order on our roads. Many of you have been victims of these extortionists masquerading as police officers even as they brazenly position themselves strategically sometimes clear entrapment on our poorly marked roads and highways.
They demand with menaces and act with wanton indiscipline always having the upper hand on the hapless motorists. The rules are clear that they are not supposed to enter your vehicle if you have committed a traffic offence but they will demand that they do so to more easier shake you down no doubt as the hijack your driver’s license and hold you to ransom in the process until you part with something.

The frustrating thing is that it is easier to pay a bribe then be dragged through the system to be charged with whatever offence you have committed something that they are very sure about and hence guide you quickly towards the bribe giving way. So there you are a law breaker yourself for giving a bribe as the lesser of the two evils and racked by guilt knowing that you have fuelled the dragon that is corruption.